


Too Monstrous

by Esther_Summerson



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, Claustrophobia, Couch Cuddles, Cunnilingus, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Injury, Injury Recovery, Nightmares, Oral Sex, POV First Person, Recovery, Self-Harm, Singing, Slow Burn, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, kisses - so far, mentions of abusive mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-05-05 09:40:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 33,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5370590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esther_Summerson/pseuds/Esther_Summerson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>OFC is newest member of the team, has found her place in each of their hearts. But perhaps there is someone who wants more than her friendship<br/>Please be aware that this may contain triggers for self-harm, including discussions of past child abuse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic, please be gentle. I know it can't match up to some of the incredible works on here.

Standing in front of my bathroom mirror I looked down to where my hands were resting on either side of the sink. Raising my gaze along the insides of my forearms I felt the familiar wrench around my heart as I took in the faded white scars that criss-crossed their way up the sensitive skin of my inner arms. Taking a deep shuddering breath, my eyes locked on the razor blade that gleamed dully where it lay on the tiles before me. I hesitated only for a moment before making my decision. Another deep breath had me pulling away from the sink as I dried off the remaining dampness left over from my shower earlier.  
"JARVIS?" I asked, awaiting a response from the ever present AI.  
"Yes Miss Hope?"  
"Is Dr Banner still up?" Glancing over at the clock and sighing as I realised that the early hour lessened my chances of a positive reply.  
"Yes Miss Hope, internal scans indicate that he is currently in the kitchen." JARVIS' cool voice replied.  
"Thanks JARVIS". I pulled a hoody on over my tank top, and after double checking that my pyjama bottoms weren't too obnoxious I made my way over to the door of my apartment.  
Heading down the corridor to the stairwell I couldn't help but remember the offer that Bruce had made me months ago. Pushing the door to the stairs open, his words ran through my head in time with each footfall as I jogged down the steps.  
'If ever you need to talk Hope' he had said at the end of my mandatory medical exam upon entrance to the Avengers training program. The words had stayed with me, even though I hadn't needed to make use of the offer before now.  
Arriving at the communal floor, two levels down from my sleeping quarters, I let the door close with a soft thud behind me. Bruce, looking up to see who else was roaming the building at 3.30am, greeted me with a warm smile.  
"Still not comfortable using the elevators Hope?" He asked, noting my entrance from the stairwell.  
"I'm getting better," I replied with a lopsided grin. "I can use them if there's someone else with me. It's just when thinking of using them by myself that my claustrophobia makes its presence felt." Moving to a kitchen cupboard, I reached inside for my china teapot and started spooning in the ingredients for my favourite spiced apple and chamomile tea. Bruce watched my movements from his position at the breakfast island before breaking the silence with a question.  
"Trouble sleeping?"  
"Should I ask you the same question doctor?" I replied looking at him over my shoulder with a wry smile on my face. I raised a mug in a silent question.  
"Yes please Hope, I always enjoy your tea. And who knows," he said running a hand through his already tousled brown hair. "It may well help me sleep."  
"That is certainly the plan," I said as I brought the now gently steaming teapot over to the island before taking a seat opposite him. "I was rather hoping to take you up on that offer that you made last year, you know, if you're not too busy?"  
The good doctor closed down his SI tablet, putting it aside as he reached out to accept the mug of tea which I held out to him. "Is everything ok Hope? Although that is perhaps an idiotic question to ask at quarter to four in the morning when the rest of the building is asleep."  
I stared into the depths of the amber coloured liquid in my mug, thinking of the best way to answer.  
"You asked about my scars," I replied as my right hand unconsciously went over my left forearm.  
Bruce noticed the movement , and his mind flashed back 8 months. Remembering that point in my physical when he asked me to remove my sweater, revealing the myriad scars arrayed down the inside of my forearms. Most of them faded to white now, some of them formed by very deep cuts resulting in raised scars crossing my skin.  
"I remember," Bruce replied gently. "You told me about the self-harm, how it had been years since you had last felt the need to cut yourself."  
Which had been perfectly true at the time, at the age of 27 I was finally comfortable in my own skin. The abilities which had marked me as different since their appearance during puberty had been assimilated into my character and accepted.  
"Wow, this is harder to say out loud than I'd expected." I said as tears filled my eyes.  
"Is there someone else that you'd rather........"  
"No! I'm sorry, no Bruce. There's no one else I trust with this." I took another of the steadying breaths which had led me to this point. "Recently I've felt the need to cut again, I say need because that's what it is. The urge rises up inside and I imagine myself doing it, I feel the pain as the blade cuts into my skin, the warmth of the blood as it runs over my wrist, the momentary flash of relief. And I have to remind myself of why I shouldn't do it."  
"What do you think has brought this on Hope? Are the missions too stressful, is someone here bothering you?" Bruce asked, his concern for me evident on his handsome face.  
"The time that I have spent here with you and the team has been some of the happiest and most settled of my life Bruce." I answered honestly. I had found somewhere where my abilities of teleportation, telekinesis and to freeze an object's movement were welcomed. "But something has changed, I've um, I've ah developed feelings for someone."  
"That's a good thing though, surely?" Bruce asked, a small grin forming and wiping away the worry from before.  
"It probably should be, but since I've noticed these feelings all I can hear in the back of my head is my mother's voice. Telling me that I'm a freak, that I'm too monstrous to love."  
Bruce looked at me sitting quietly before him having run out of words. What he saw as he looked at me was a pretty brunette, whose long chestnut hair was twisted into a rope and hanging over her shoulder. Her blue eyes downcast under the weight of the revelations which she had spilled. He saw a young woman who over the last few months of active field duty had shown herself to be an asset to the team. And not only this but whose sweet nature had led her to become friend and confidant to damn near the whole building. Shaking his head in despair at the abuse she had suffered he quickly formulated a plan of action.  
"Hope, thank you for trusting me with this, I'm going to do everything that I can to help. Have you actually harmed yourself this time?"  
"No, I came to see you before the urge took hold."  
"That's good, and should you feel the urge again please come and find me. My door is always open to you."  
"Thank you Bruce, but do you honestly think that I can be helped?"  
"I do, hope is not lost if you'll pardon the expression. I think the first thing that we need to do is book you an appointment with our psychiatrist. Would that be all right with you Hope?" Bruce asked,his tone gentle.  
"I think so, I mean I guess its time to finally sort through all this emotional baggage I've been carting around."  
Bruce smiled at me then, getting up from his stool opposite to come round the island and giving me one of his rare hugs.  
"Thank you Bruce," I whispered with a weary smile on my face. "Just knowing that someone else knows what I'm going through has helped."  
Releasing his hold on me, he pulled me down from the stool and turned me towards the elevator. Placing an arm around my shoulder he pressed the call button for the elevator.  
"I think it's now time to go to bed and give that tea a chance to work."  
He left me at the door to my apartment with strict instructions that I wasn't to get out of bed before at least noon "Doctor's orders," he'd said with a smile.  
Walking through my living room I saw the first rays of sunrise making their way across the ceiling, as I made my weary way to bed.  
"JARVIS I have a favour to ask." I called out to the ceiling as I pulled my hoody off over my head.  
"Yes Miss Hope?" came the response from the faithful AI.  
"Well actually it's two, could you please close the shutters for me?" No sooner had I finished speaking than a gentle hum sounded and my shutters closed, leaving me in an enveloping darkness. "Thank you J." I replied sleepily, pulling the covers up over my bare shoulders.  
"You're very welcome Miss Hope. And the other?"  
"Oh please send my apologies to Sergeant Barnes once he's awake, tell him that I'm not going to make our training session this morning."  
"Consider it done, I have also put a a digital do not disturb sign on your door as per Dr Banner's suggestion. Sleep well Miss Hope."  
"You're the best JARVIS, thank you." And feeling more at peace than I had in weeks, I drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this, I hope that you enjoy. x


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up shortly before noon, I opened my eyes and felt the familiar weight of despair make it's presence felt on my psyche. Throwing my legs out from under the covers I made my way over to the en-suite when I remembered my conversation with Bruce from the night before. And there it was, a glimmer of light shining through the darkness of my memories, I could be helped. I no longer had to struggle alone with my fears and insecurities; there was a chance that I could get better.  
Looking up towards the ceiling I called out to the omnipresent A.I. "JARVIS?"  
"Good morning Miss Hope, I trust you slept well?"  
"I did, thank you J. Could we have some music this morning please? I have a serious need to listen to the Queen of The Damned soundtrack. From the beginning. At a fairly loud volume if possible," I replied moving into the bathroom. Without another word the opening strains to Wayne Static's 'Not meant for me' flooded my apartment.  
"Thanks J." I was pretty sure that he couldn't hear me over the volume of the music, but it never hurt to be polite.  
Grabbing my hairbrush from where it sat before the mirror I made my way into the kitchen to switch on the coffee pot. Alternating between brushing the snarls out of my bed-head and doing my best Goddess of Rock impression.  
"I'm trapped in this world,  
Lonely and fading,  
Heartbroke and waiting,  
For you to come.  
We are stuck in this world  
That's not meant for me,  
For me"  
A movement caught the corner of my eye, and without thinking I took aim and threw my hairbrush at the target, giving the now airborne brush an extra push with my telekinesis.  
"Fuck!" I yelled, as looking up I realised that I had just launched an attack on one of my closest friends. Throwing my hands up I froze the hairbrush before it had a chance to strike my training partner in the face. Letting him snatch it out of the air I took a deep breath and let it out before I shouted at him. "James Buchanan Barnes, you scared the shit out of me! What the hell are you doing here, or did you just fancy a little b&e before lunch?"  
"Well, as you missed our session this morning I wanted to come see if you were ok, didn't realise I would get the chance to throw in some training as well though," he yelled back over the music that was still playing, one of his famous lady killer smiles evident on his handsome face.  
"JARVIS would you stop the music please?" the AI responded instantly to my request. "Thanks J, ok James if you're done with the smart-ass comments can I get you a coffee? I was just about to set the machine going."  
"I wouldn't pass up an opportunity for your famous brew doll," James replied. "You know, you're the only person I know who grinds her own beans for a simple cup of coffee."  
"So I'm picky about my beverages, shoot me." I quipped as I headed into my kitchen to get the coffee going. After a couple of minutes, the smell of freshly perked coffee started to emanate from the coffee pot and I moved to grab a couple of mugs down from the cupboard.  
"So are you?" James asked, leaning against the doorway with one quizzical brow raised.  
"Am I what?" I replied, looking at him over my shoulder from my position in front of the fridge.  
"Are you ok?" James said, looking at me as though I was trying to dodge the question. "You've been different lately, quieter, spending more time alone. Not to mention the dark circles under your eyes could give Stark the professional insomniac's a run for his money."  
I turned around slowly with the milk in my hand, looking down at my feet whilst wondering how to respond to this questioning from the man who I was beginning to have real feelings for. I looked up into his blue eyes and saw the concern there, realising that he was asking as my friend, as someone who cared for me, I knew then that I owed him the truth. Setting the milk down on the counter I used my arms to pull myself up so that I was sitting opposite where he stood.  
"I have to admit that I've been struggling lately, something has happened to bring up some 'unresolved issues' from my past, and I've been having a hard time trying to deal with it alone." It was then that I realised that I had forgotten to pull on my usual cover-up before leaving my bedroom, not expecting to find someone in my living room, and so my arms were bare and my scars were clearly visible to James. He was looking at my arms worriedly.  
"Does it have to do with your scars?" He asked, noticing the shock on my face at his calm acceptance he gave a small smile and raised his metal hand in a waving gesture. "Hello, metal prosthetic, I know all about wanting to hide underneath long sleeves. Your arms are always covered even when it's warm out. And one day you helped me up off the mats after kicking my ass I caught a glimpse of your arm. Are they self inflicted?"  
"Yeah, the technical term being self-harm. For a long time I thought that I deserved to be punished because of what I am, that I deserved the pain and disfigurement because I was already a freak. It took a long time for me to see my abilities as just that, abilities, quirks of nature that meant that I was different to my peers. Sadly my mother was never able to agree."  
"It was your ma who had you convinced that you were a freak?" James said, moving towards me. He motioned to my arms, silently asking my permission to take a closer look at the network of scars that covered my arms like a road map of my painful history. He took hold of them gently by the wrist and turned them so that he could see the damage that I had done to myself.  
"It was her gift to me I guess, though it could be argued that Mother Nature had already been more than generous in that respect, you know with the telekinesis etc." I replied with a wry grin. "And sadly it's the gift that just keeps giving."  
James looked up at me, sliding his grip down past my wrists until he was holding my hands, waiting for me to explain that last comment. Finding myself unable to look at him when discussing this, I slid off the counter pulling my hands from his and went over to pour the coffee.  
"I've been feeling those same urges again, the need to cut, to feel the pain. And its all down to the fact that I can still hear my mother's voice in the back of my head telling me that I'm unworthy, unlovable." I couldn't face him as I poured the coffee in to two mugs and so it took me by surprise when he reached across my shoulder to grab his cup. Looking up into his eyes I saw a momentary flash of pain when he thought that I had flinched away from his touch.  
"I'm sorry Sarge, this is just hard for me to talk about." I said, placing my hand over his where it rested on the kitchen counter, he gave my hand a squeeze before leading the way back to my living room. We sat down at opposite ends of the sofa before turning to face one another. Taking strength from the warmth in his gaze I took a deep breath and carried on with the most recent chapter of the story and told him about my conversation with Bruce from the night before.  
"So he's got you an appointment with the psych team doll?" James asked, taking another sip of coffee.  
"Yeah," I replied, brightening slightly as the conversation took a more positive turn, "So it will be a combination of counselling and possibly meds to help me through the initial stages, and hopefully I can find some sort of balance, and maybe even a sense of peace who knows!"  
James smiled at my last comment, sarcasm laden as it was. "I found my sessions with Dr Michaels really helpful." I looked up at him, this man sitting on my sofa whom HYDRA had tried to break and mould into something awful, seeing him now still bearing the marks that they had left upon his body. The metal prosthetic which he had accepted was a part of him now, the scars left by old missions, and I couldn't keep the smile off my face thinking about how far he had come.  
"What you smiling at doll?" he asked returning my smile in kind.  
"I am so lucky to have you as a friend Sergeant Barnes, I can't help but think that this would have been a totally different conversation if I'd had it with Clint or Tony." I replied with a grin.  
James leaned forward to set his now empty mug on the coffee table before turning to look at me.  
"I think you underestimate your position in this odd little family of ours Hope," James said looking at me seriously. "you've been with us for eight months now, and only on active missions for half that. But we all know that you can be trusted to watch our backs, no matter how dodgy the situation might get, you are there covering us. Even in the tower, you're the one person that Nat and me can talk comfortably with, you're the only person who can convince Tony to go to bed when he's been up for 72 hours and Pepper is out of town. Clint and Bruce consider you to be a sister, and as for Steve. Doll you taught Steve to dance, and whilst doing that you got him to open up about what was going on inside his punk-ass head. So you see, we all care about you and would want to help you if we could. You've done so much already for each one of us."  
I sat there, stunned into silence, I couldn't quite believe that what he was saying could be true. The voice in the back of my head telling me that I was worthless and contributed nothing to this unconventional family, who had given me so much, was reigning supreme in my thoughts. The tears were streaming down my face as I shook silently trying to grasp the meaning of the words he had spoken. James leaned over and pulled me into the hard wall of his chest, his arms coming around me as he muttered under his breath in Russian, words intended to soothe. I clung to him as the meaning of his previous speech began to sink in to my bruised and broken psyche.  
"Is that true?" I asked after a while, leaning up from him and wiping the tears from my cheeks. "Everyone here has been so good to me, I've been so happy here. Natural disasters and alien attacks notwithstanding. I can't believe that I could've made such a difference, I haven't really done anything."  
"Ok , now I know you need therapy," James said, smirking at me. "You haven't needed to do anything Hope, all the things that you bring to this team, all the things you do for others that's just part of the incredible person you are. Comes as natural to you as breathing."  
I swatted at his arm, blushing furiously at the compliments being paid to me. "Right, you need to quit it now. I need to get dressed and you need to go before my ego gets any bigger."  
"Alright fine, but I'm pretty sure that your ego could do with the boost doll." James said as he rose up from my sofa, his previous smirk replaced with a more serious look. "But if everything goes to plan with your counselling sessions then you'll be more aware of your value before too long."  
"That is the plan," I replied, twisting my hands in front of me, smiling nervously as I walked James to my door. He stopped at the threshold, his hand still on the doorknob and a question on his handsome face.  
"Would you feel up to a little training this afternoon?"  
"Are you kidding me? After the best night's sleep I've had in months I feel like I could take over the world." I replied with a smile, a part of me happy that this difficult conversation was coming to an end.  
"So I'll meet you at the gym in two hours for some hand to hand?" James asked, I nodded to show my assent. "And Hope? I'm here for you if you need me, you've only to ask."  
"Thank you," I said, giving him the easiest smile of our conversation so far. "You don't know how much that means to me James." And with a smile he left, closing the door behind him. I remained where I was standing for some time, a slightly dazed expression on my face as I thought over everything he had said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you were wondering you can find the music mentioned in this chapter here,  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H72bAVz5XvA


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up with a start, the nightmare that had left me panting slightly and tangled in my bedsheets, still clinging to my subconscious. The therapist that I had been seeing for the last few months had definitely lessened the frequency of my bad dreams, sadly though they had lost none of their punch. I looked over at the L.E.D. screen of my clock and groaned at the unreasonable hour. Knowing that I wouldn't get back to sleep without clearing my head first I kicked off the covers and got up. Walking over to the mirror on my wardrobe I quickly pulled my hair up into a messy bun, shoved my feet into my slippers and made my way down to the Avengers' living room.  
As I'd hoped it was deserted at the lonely hour of 4am, the rest of the world stuck in that in-between space before morning had arrived whilst night had still not quite passed. Going to the cupboard by the t.v I grabbed an armful of different coloured candle holders and spread them out around the room. I did this until I was surrounded by dozens of them. Reaching into the cupboard I pulled out a bag of coloured candles and a box of matches before arranging the candles in a circle with me as the centre point. Once they were all lit I sat down in a lotus position in the middle of them.  
"JARVIS would you turn the lights off please?"  
"Certainly Miss Hope, would you like your usual music selection?"  
"Yes please J," and settled down more comfortably with the mournful tones of Mozart's Requiem Mass in D Minor filling the air. Taking several deep breaths I focused on the room around me, on the candle holders I had spread throughout and their positions in relation to me. Closing my eyes I focused on the blue candle in front of me, in my mind's eye I concentrated on matching it with the blue candle holder that I had placed next to the television. Taking the next step I willed the candle on to the matching blue glass holder, and with only the slightest disturbance of the flame to indicate it's movement it reappeared right where I had wanted it. Glancing up I smiled to myself before settling back down to the meditative task which I had only just begun.  
It was an hour or so later when the candles were burning lower and lower and I had just put the final one in place, when taking a deep breath and opening my eyes I realised that I was not alone. Looking up I spotted James leaning on the door frame watching my efforts. With a smile he moved further into the living room.  
"I'm sorry for staring Hope, I didn't disturb you though did I?" He asked, coming to rest on the arm of the chair closest to me.  
"To be honest I didn't even realise you were there Sarge, one of these days you are going to have to show me how you can move so silently." I replied, smiling up at him from my position on the floor. Leaning back on my hands I asked "How long have you been standing there for?"  
"Only about thirty minutes or so doll," James said laughing at the shocked expression on my face.  
"Wow, so much for being aware of my surroundings," I laughed as I stood up. "Thank goodness it was you and not some rogue agent trying to kill me huh?"  
"I couldn't help myself, I was fascinated. I mean the precision and focus required to do that, and you were just sat there so calmly." This was said with such an impressed look on James' face that I could feel myself blushing again, this seemed to be a habit that I was slipping into whenever he paid me a compliment. "Why do you do it doll?"  
"Coffee?" I asked and he nodded and stood, following me into the kitchen. "I've done something similar for years, ever since I first gained the ability to teleport. It helps with control, but what you saw here was less about control and more about focus. It's my form of meditation I guess, it helps to clear my mind."  
"And the reason that you were doing it at 5.30am would be what exactly?" he asked, bumping his hip against mine as we made our way into the kitchen.  
"Ok, so more recently it has become my method for clearing my head after a bad dream. I find that if I try and go straight back to sleep that I seem to just pick the nightmare up where I left off, leaving me shattered and on edge the morning after. This though, it clears my head, helps shake off any hold that the nightmare may have had on me."  
Bucky looked over at me from where he was sitting on the counter. "Do you want to talk about it Hope?"  
"Thank you for the offer, but I'm ok. Here," I said passing him his mug of coffee.  
He took the mug from my hand and set it down on the counter beside him before sliding his feet onto the floor. Turning me to face him he pulled me into a warm hug. I couldn't prevent the small sigh that escaped my lips as his arms went around me, my head found its way to his shoulder and my arms settled around his waist.  
"Wow, so all it takes is telling you the sob stories about my sleepless nights to get you to initiate a hug, huh lady-killer? I should have told you about my dreams months ago."  
"Ah doll, I've loved having you in my arms almost since the moment that you first walked through the door." Bucky replied, his arms tightening slightly across my back. I was just getting used to the feel of his body heat when we were interrupted by Bruce.  
"Sorry guys, we need you on the quinjet, there's a situation downtown. A terrorist group is setting off explosions in a deserted stretch of warehouses but they are heading towards more populated areas."  
"No problem Bruce," I replied moving out from the circle of James' arms. "I'll grab my gear and port down there so you guys can have a better idea of what you're walking in to."  
"Hope no," Bucky said grabbing my wrist. "It's too dangerous, you've no idea what you'll find."  
"I'll be careful," I promised, raising myself up on tip toe to kiss his cheek. "See you on the ground fellas, don't be late. Wouldn't want you to miss the party!" And with the feel of his stubbled cheek against my lips clear in my mind I transported myself down to my locker to suit up before heading into the battle.


	4. Chapter 4

"There are dozens of them!" I yelled into my comm as the team gathered on the ground in the midst of the warehouse district. I had spent my head-start reconnoitring and throwing obstacles into the path of the terrorists to keep them away from the civilians. "They appear to be using some kind of weapon that mimics seismic activity to take out all the buildings along this stretch."  
"Thanks for the report Hope," Steve replied as he looked at the devastation around us. "Ok, Romanov, Barton and Thor you're with me. We're gonna round em up and capture them for the authorities to deal with. Hope, Bucky you guys are in charge of evac. If any of these buildings are occupied I want them cleared out understand? Bruce?"  
"Yes Steve," came the good doctor's reply from his position back on the jet.  
"Let's keep the Other Guy out of this for now, but be alert, we may need him."  
"Aye aye Cap," Bruce replied resignedly.  
Things were well into being a win for the team, with the terrorists pinned down and about to lose (though they themselves weren't quite ready to admit that yet) when I heard a yell emanating from a nearby building. Without thinking I ported inside and seeing the ceiling about to cave in on the heads of the workforce trapped inside I froze the building, trying to give us time to get them out. I had never held something so large frozen before and it wasn't long before I realised that I couldn't keep the building from collapsing as well as get the frightened staff members out. The strain of using my powers for so long on something so large was beginning to tell on me, my only thoughts were of Bucky. When he was suddenly standing in front of me shaking his head from the disorientation I knew that it was my gift which had brought him there. Whilst he was recovering from the novel experience of having his molecules broken down and reassembled I activated my comm.  
"Bruce can you hear me?" I asked breathlessly, starting to feel every single one of the tonnes of concrete and steel above me.  
"Yeah Hope, what's wrong?"  
"I hate to do this to you but I'm gonna need an evac from the Other Guy at my location, like yesterday."  
"He's on his way," Bruce replied, not questioning my request. "Just hold on Hope."  
Whilst Bruce and I had been talking Bucky had gathered the workers together. Anyone injured had enough able-bodied support to make it out of the building.  
"James!" I yelled, getting his immediate attention. "I need you to listen and do everything that I ask ok? Now I am going to stop this building from falling down on our heads and you are going to get these guys out of here. I don't have the energy reserves to do that and port my way out so I've called in the cavalry to come get me once you're all safely out of the way."  
"But Hope?"  
"NOW BUCKY! Or this is going to get very messy very quickly." With one last look telling him that I meant every word he strode off after the workers, picking up any stragglers and following them back into the light. I fell to my knees, reaching out with my mind to hold the building in place and prevent myself from being crushed. Darkness started to creep in from the edges of my vision, and the last thing I heard before blacking out was a loud roar from what seemed to be very far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter, with a bit of a cliffhanger ending.........sorrynotsorry!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How fares our little telekinetic?

I awoke to a world of pain and harsh white lighting, crying out I felt a hand stroke my hair back from my forehead and a sudden dullness flooding my veins.  
"Hush Hope, you're safe now. We've got you, just rest." A whispered voice begged from beside my ear. Following the instruction my eyes fluttered closed, aided no doubt by the drugs flowing through my system, and I drifted away from the pain.

The next time I woke up the pain had settled to a dull throbbing in my left wrist which was covered by a cast, and a tight band around my ribs making it uncomfortable to breathe. The silence in the room was disturbed only by the gentle beeping of my heart monitor and I closed my eyes, tempted to drift back off and ignore the pain for a little while longer. I heard the door to my room open, and I looked up to see Bruce walking in, smiling at me once he saw that I was awake.  
"Bruce," I whispered, my unused voice struggling to make the sound. I tried to sit up and froze as the pain burst through my ribs afresh.  
"You're going to want to take it easy Hope, you have four broken ribs as well as your fractured wrist. Do you remember much about what happened?" He asked, looking over and jotting down the readings from my heart monitor.  
"Ah, I remember telling Bucky to get the workers out," I replied, screwing my eyes closed as I tried to remember the foggy details of what had happened. "Shit, is he ok Bruce?"  
"He's fine Hope, he got the workforce out before the building came down. You did well to hold it for as long as you did."  
"Yeah yeah, tell that to my broken bones would you?" I said with a wry smile. Rubbing my forehead with my undamaged wrist I frowned as I tried to recall what happened next. "I saw them leave, and then had to focus everything on keeping the building upright. I remember my vision sort of of giving out as I exhausted my strength, and then a roar? I think? The rest of it is just black."  
"That roar was from the Other Guy, he got to you just before the walls caved in I think. The team tell me that he shielded you from the worst of it." Bruce replied with a guilty look on his face.  
"Guess I'm lucky that the big guy likes me huh?" I took in his expression. "What's wrong Bruce?"  
"I'm sorry that I didn't get to you sooner, I could've done more........"  
"Shh love," I interrupted raising my uninjured hand to take hold of one of his. "I'm pretty sure that without the two of you I would be trapped under a couple of thousand tonnes of rubble. So instead of you apologising, how about you accept my thanks. You saved my life Bruce." I gently squeezed his hand until he raised his eyes to meet mine.  
"Which makes me officially in your debt, so how about I bake you your favourite chocolate cake once I'm back on my feet?" I got a small smile for my efforts.  
"I'm not going to say no to a chocolate Guinness cake, no matter the circumstances. Now what do you need Hope?"  
"How long have I been here doc?" I asked, settling myself more comfortably amongst my pillows (comfort was an entirely relative term I was discovering), whilst Bruce took the armchair next to my bed.  
"It's been five days since the attack," at the startled look on my face he continued on. "From what Tony and I can figure out you depleted so much of your energy holding that building up you needed the rest to recharge your batteries."  
"Wow, ok, so next question. How long do I have to stay here for?" Having never really liked hospitals I could feel my anxiety levels begin to rise at the thought of having to stay here for much longer now that I was awake.  
"Knowing how much you dislike hospitals I have made arrangements for you to recuperate in your quarters." I confess, I couldn't keep the grin off my face. "But only on the condition that you do exactly as your discharge nurse tells you, and rest nothing but rest for the next week mind! I'll need you to come back in then for more tests to make sure that your ribs are healing properly."  
"Yes sir, Dr Banner sir." He rose to go, but paused at the foot of my bed when I called his name. "Is everyone else ok?"  
"They're fine Hope, they were sent out on a mission late last night but they should be home soon." Seeing my disappointment at the prospect of not having the guys visit he continued, nodding to the side of my bed. "But they brought you those before they left."  
Looking to my left I was greeted by a vase of the most gorgeous sunflowers I had ever seen. Watching as a smile spread over my face Bruce turned to leave.  
"Rest Hope, I'll send a nurse in to help get you up and dressed shortly."

Waking up in my own bed was so much better than waking up in hospital, even one as plush as the Avengers' med centre, that I could happily have stayed there for the rest of the morning, but the bathroom was calling. Taking into account the battered state of my ribs I sat up slowly, but still gasped as the pain burned across my chest. A noise from the corner caused me to look up sharply and I saw Bucky, dressed in a wife beater and sweat pants rising from my comfy chair looking slightly rumpled  
"James what are you doing here?" I asked, holding my damaged wrist against my stomach as I struggled to breathe through the pain that sitting up had caused.  
"I went to the med bay to check up on you last night and found you'd been released. Doc said you might need a bit of help getting around." As he was saying all this, James was pulling back the comforter and bringing my legs around so that I was sitting on the edge of the bed.  
"Ok Doll, you put your good hand on my shoulder and hold on, we're going to do this slowly on the count of 3 ok? One, two, three." And on three he stood up slowly bringing me with him, and with a minimal amount of protest from my ribs.  
"Thank you Bucky," I said, smiling into his grim face all I got was a grunt in reply. I dropped my hand from his shoulder and took an unsteady step away from him.  
"Think you can make it to the bathroom on your own?"  
"I'm sure I'll manage," I replied confusion evident on my face at the coldness in his tone.  
"I'll get breakfast started then, yell if you need any help." He said before striding out towards my kitchen.  
There was a small voice in my head wishing that I could have a friendlier nurse, but I dismissed the thought quickly. I should be grateful that James was here to help, but what could be causing his current mood? Had something happened during yesterday's mission? Resolving to talk to him about it over breakfast I slowly made my way over to the bathroom. After using the toilet and finger combing what I could reach of my long wavy hair, I walked back into my bedroom to be greeted by the tantalising smells of breakfast. Walking down the hall to my kitchen I saw a set-piece of the sweetest domesticity that my heart caught. The Winter Soldier was standing barefoot in my kitchen, stirring two pots on the stove from which the delicious scents were coming from.  
"What smells so good?" I asked, coming to stand beside him.  
"It's my Ma's oatmeal recipe, she could never get me to eat it plain so she had to get creative. She used to stew fruit with a little sugar and some spice and stir it through the oatmeal. It definitely did the trick." James replied, still not looking at me. "There's coffee on the table for you Hope, have a seat and I'll bring this over."  
Resting my good hand on the table I eased myself into one of my kitchen chairs and realised that it was a lot less painful than getting out of bed had been. Setting down a bowlful of the fruity oatmeal I looked up to smile my thanks but Bucky had already turned away. Grabbing a couple of pills off the counter and bringing them to me with a glass of water.  
"Bruce says you're to take two of these with food every four hours to help with the swelling, they should ease the pain some too," glancing down at his watch he returned his gaze to somewhere over my right shoulder. "The nurse should be here in half an hour to help you shower, if you let JARVIS know when you're ready I'll be back to help you downstairs." On that note I was faced with his back for the second time that morning.  
"James is everything ok? Are you ok?"  
"Am I ok?" he mirrored back at me. "I'm fine Hope," and with a disdainful smirk marring his handsome face he turned and left me to my lonely breakfast. I knew then that he was angry with me, I didn't know what it was but I had done something to alienate my closest friend.  
"JARVIS?"  
"Yes Miss Hope? And may I add how pleased I am to see you up and about again."  
"Thank you J," I replied, but the smile on my face was definitely a sad one. "Could you please inform Sergeant Barnes that I'll get the nurse to help me downstairs, he needn't trouble himself further."  
"Certainly Miss Hope." Looking down at the steaming bowl of breakfast, I found that I couldn't bring myself to eat it. Sending a silent prayer of apology to the phantom of Mrs Barnes for the waste I took the pain medication that Bucky had handed me and waited for the arrival of the nurse, upon whom I would be dependant for the foreseeable future.


	6. Chapter 6

Dressed in my comfiest pjs, and a hoodie that I hadn't realised that I owned but it was baggy enough to fit over my cast, I spent the day hiding out in my apartment. I didn't want to risk running in to Bucky again after our little run in over breakfast, I still didn't know what I had done to make him angry but I couldn't face him again just yet. The nurse who had come to help me shower and dress left me on the sofa (well propped up with pillows), packed my damaged ribs with ice packs and put a pillow under my cast to help me support the weight. I alternated between hours of watching Netflix and brief excursions down the length of the corridor and back so that I wasn't totally immobile. Breathing was painful, coughing was seriously to be frowned upon and yet I had to do both so that my lungs didn't succumb to pneumonia whilst my ribs were healing. This was going to hurt for a long time yet.  
Thankfully people stayed away, choosing instead to call or send me messages to let me know that they were thinking of me. JARVIS left the do not disturb on my door but it was just Bruce who came to check on me (he tried to convince me it was just in his capacity as doctor, but I could tell that he was worried about me), after repeating everything that the nurse had already explained he left me to my rest and I found myself staring at the blankness of my tv screen. Bruce had read through the mission reports from the team's excursion last night and it had all gone trouble free, so Bucky must have been angry with me, it must have been something that I had done. I felt the first tear slide down my cheek at the thought that he could hate me now, shaking myself out of it I glanced over to the window. The sky had turned to that wonderful blue which you only see before a sunset, I realised then that I had been cooped up indoors for nearly a week and perhaps some fresh air would do me good. Rising gingerly from the sofa I pulled my hood up over my head in case it was cold outside and ported my way up to the roof garden. Feeling my knees wobble beneath me I realised that perhaps my powers hadn't quite recovered themselves from my depletion of the previous week. Moving slowly over to the bench which would give me the best view of the coming sunset I sat down and watched as the sky changed from blue to gold, orange and then red, before turning into the deepest of blues which heralded the arrival of the stars.  
The first stars had started appearing and I was beginning to think that perhaps it was time for me to hit the hay. I wasn't exactly relishing the idea of walking down six flights of stairs, but the thought of using the elevator alone awoke an old terror from the darkest recesses of my mind. I forced it back down just as I heard someone call my name.  
"Hey Hope, how are you feeling?" I must have been completely out of it to have not heard Steve approach, I could tell that he had been doing his best not to sneak up on me.  
"I must confess to having felt better, but it could be a lot worse." I said as I gripped the armrest to help myself up. "In fact I was just about to head back in, I may have just had the world's best nap but I'm finding that it doesn't take a lot to tire me out."  
"No problem, I'll head back down in the elevator with you." Steve said, taking my good arm and tucking it through one of his. "You do look beat."  
"Wow thanks Cap, way to make a girl feel better!"  
"Sorry," he replied. "What I should have said was that you look wonderful for someone who's had a building fall on her, but perhaps it's time for bed."  
"A proposition from Captain America, and all it took was a short coma." I joked back at him.  
"Hope!" Steve scolded, blushing slightly. "Anyway if I just looked at you too long Bucky would kill me." He said on a laugh.  
"Whatever. Come on Cap, I know you're a geriatric and all but right now I'm moving faster than you." We sped up to slightly more than our previous snail's pace but still arrived at my door before too much longer. Looking up at him I knew that I couldn't stretch up to his height, so I crooked my finger until Steve bent down to my level.  
"Night Steve," I whispered as I kissed his cheek. "Thanks for the escort."  
"You're welcome Hope, and all joking aside, its good to have you firmly back in the land of the living." And with a smile he turned back to the elevator to travel the next two floors to the level which he shared with Bucky. Closing my front door I suddenly realised that I was going to need help getting out of this hoodie, not to mention getting in to bed. I was just about to call out to JARVIS when a knock sounded at my door, I hoped beyond hope that whoever was there would take pity on me.  
"James? What are you doing here?"  
"Steve told me you had just gotten in, I figured I'd come give you a hand getting ready for bed." He replied stepping through the doorway that I'd vacated to let him get by.  
"Thank you James, I know this can't be easy for you with the way that things stand between us. But I am grateful for the help." I looked up at him to see him watching me with a face lined with concern. "In fact now that you're here I owe you an apology."  
"Hope, what..........?"  
"No, Bucky, just let me finish. I've been thinking about what happened this morning and I think I've figured out why you're so angry with me. I'm so sorry for freaking you out by teleporting you to me. It's just that I was so scared that we were going to die in there, those men and me, that we were going to die in the dark." Even talking about it was making tears stream down my cheeks. "So scared, and in the midst of all that I reached out and gathered the one person I trusted most and in the process freaked the shit out of you!"I couldn't hold back the sobs now, the thought of having lost the friendship of this incredible man was just too much to bear. Before I knew what was happening I was being carefully gathered in by a strong pair of arms and being held so gently. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head before moving me back so that I could see his face.  
"I should be the one apologising to you, I was so rude to you this morning doll." He said, his eyes blazing with sincerity.  
"Why though James, I don't understand?"  
"I thought that I'd lost you Hope. Getting you back here to the med bay so the doctors could assess the damage was one of the worst experiences of my life. Second only to hearing you cry out in pain when you first regained conciousness. I was terrified that I'd lost you."  
"But I'm here, still here, walking, talking, breathing even if doing any one of those things hurts like a mother."  
"I know Hope, and I can't tell you how happy that makes me. I just felt so guilty at leaving you behind, at not doing more to get you out of there I thought you'd be better off if I kept my distance."  
"Well that makes you an idiot then doesn't it James Barnes!"  
"That it does doll, but after Steve, Sam and Natalia all told me the same thing I figured it out." He replied with his customary smirk.  
"Oh. I guess I'm a little late to the party then huh?"  
"Well you are kinda under the weather doll, can't expect you to be top of your game for a good while yet. Now come on, let's get you into bed." And taking my hand he led the way down the hallway to my bedroom. As I brushed my teeth he filled me in on the latest mission, when I went to brush my hair he saw me wince in pain as I tried to raise my arm. In a trice he had taken the hairbrush from me, and after getting rid of the knots he ran his fingers through the strands before he redid my braid. I was swaying on my feet by the time he was finished, I was so relaxed. Grinning at my sleepy reflection James took my hand once again and led me to my bed.  
"Ok sweetheart, we are going to reverse the process from this morning." And with that he lowered me against the pillows, my arm was resting against his chest when our gazes met and I found the courage to whisper the thought that had been buzzing round in my head.  
"Stay? Please James, stay with me?" He raised my hand to his lips and placed a lingering kiss on my palm. Pulling the covers up and putting a pillow under my cast, I watched as he then walked around the foot of my bed. Being careful not to jolt me or the mattress he sat with his back against the headboard.  
"I'll stay until you fall asleep sweetheart." And with that he laced our fingers together before resting them against the warmth of his thigh.  
"I thought you hated me," I whispered drowsily. "I thought I'd lost you."  
"I'm not going anywhere Hope I promise." he replied, stroking my hand with his thumb. "Sleep now sweetheart."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay in updating this, I work in retail and Christmas is kinda kicking my ass! Forgive me x


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda having doubts as to whether or not it's worth me finishing this, if you have an opinion I'd love to hear it. x

It wasn't long after I'd had JARVIS remove the 'Do Not Disturb' from my door before the first knock sounded. I'd left it unlocked to save me from having to make my way painfully up off the couch every time someone wanted to visit.  
"Come in," I looked over and smiled as Darcy made her way in with a heavily laden plate of cookies.  
"Hope! Oh my god it's so good to see you awake," she said making her way over to the sofa where I was propped up. Depositing the plate on my coffee table she leant over and kissed my cheek. "As soon as your ribs are up to it I'm first on the list for a bear hug. Until then, I bring you hugs in the form of baked goods."  
"Thanks love, that's so sweet of you. Do you want to stay and have coffee with me? I'll share my cookies." I replied in a taunting sing-song voice.  
"Your coffee and my cookies? How am I supposed to say no to that?!" She said, making her way over to the coffee maker. "You're probably sick of being asked, but how are you feeling?"  
"Pretty much like you'd expect for someone to feel who'd had a building fall on them I guess? I don't know, I'm sure it can't be true but right now everything fricking hurts! And this whole thing where even the slightest movement hurts like a bitch? I'm pretty much over it." I said as Darcy gathered everything onto a tray. "James had to brush my hair for me last night cos I couldn't get my arm high enough!"  
Of course she jumped on to the fact that James had brushed my hair and not my miserable lack of movement.  
"So Bucky was here last night huh? He's been spending a lot of time with you lately wouldn't you say?" Darcy said, fishing for info as per usual.  
"James has been very helpful, and before you read anything into it I'm pretty sure that he's being motivated by guilt cos he sure as shit doesn't see me that way." Darcy nearly choked with laughter as she made her way back into the living room with her loaded tray.  
"You're right," She said as she handed me a brimming mug of black coffee. "You know I'm sure I saw him brushing Clint's hair the last time he was hurt." You can imagine the level of sarcasm with which she managed to utter this sentence.  
"Who's been brushing Clint's hair?" James asked as he walked into my living room through the door that Darcy hadn't bothered to close.  
"Bucky!" Darcy called out with a grin. "Pull up a chair, let me get you a coffee and we can tell you all about it."  
James looked a little baffled at this speech, but smiled when he leaned to kiss my cheek by way of greeting.  
"Christ Hope!" He exclaimed. "You're freezing, what's wrong?"  
"Oh it's these ice packs," I replied, lifting the hem of my hoodie to show him, he grimaced at the sight of my bruised torso. "I always ran a little cooler anyway, but these things are seriously not helping."  
"I might be able to help with that," he said undoing the zip of his own hoodie and standing before me. "Here, I just need you to scoot forward a little." And taking hold of my hips he pulled me to the front of my sofa before removing some of the cushions from behind me. Standing, he helped me up in what was fast becoming his usual way and then sat down in my corner of the sofa. Guiding me down between his spread legs I leant back against him and felt his warmth spread across my back. The cold ache which had settled in my bones began to fade, and I couldn't help the sigh that escaped my lips.  
"Better?" James asked, as his arms settled around me.  
"Much, thank you." I looked up to see Darcy standing in the middle of my living room, mug forgotten in her hand as she watched the process in silence.  
"Darce, you gonna bring that mug over here so James can get a drink?"  
"What? Oh yeah sure. Sorry!" She said, snapping to attention and bringing Bucky's mug of coffee over to him. She glanced down at her watch and looked up at me with a familiar glint in her eye. "You know what? I have to go! It's time for coffee in the lab, and you know how these science types are. Caffeine is a major fuel source."  
And with no further ado she span on her heel and walked out the door, closing it behind her. She'd hightailed it out of there so quickly that she left me and James with a mild case of whiplash!  
"Is it just me, or was she odder then normal just now?" James asked taking a swig of his coffee.  
"Ha, you know Darcy!" I replied, trying desperately to hide my embarrassment at her obvious tactics. "So now that you're stuck behind there for the foreseeable (you make an excellent electric blanket by the way) what do you want to do?"  
"Oh I can think of several things I want to do," he said wolfishly. "But I think you need to save all your strength for getting better right now. So how about we continue my modern education and watch a movie?"  
Noticing that I had become very still at his intended innuendo he leaned down and placed a soft kiss to my temple.  
"It's ok Hope, I can wait." I sighed at the feeling of loss as his lips left my skin, but tried to gloss over the moment by pulling up Netflix on my tv.  
"What are you in the mood for?" I asked in a voice that was none too steady.  
"Clint was saying there's a movie called V for Vendetta, it's based on a graphic novel I believe?"  
"Sure," I replied taking a breath in an attempt to calm my thundering heart. "I love that movie, and it's been a long time since I've seen it. But we're only watching this if you promise me that you will let me loan you the graphic novel to read as well?"  
"You have a copy? Sure, I'd love to borrow it Hope." And with that we settled into a more companionable silence to watch the film. I couldn't quite get over the fact that I was snuggled up to my training partner in such an intimate way, or the frequent tugs on my heart that his presence provided.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff, fluffety fluffiness.

“Hi Bruce, is it ok for me to come in?” I asked, putting my head around the doorway into his lab. I had enough experience of the Science Bros to be careful about making sudden entrances.  
“Hope, hi. Were we supposed to meet up?” Bruce asked, looking up from the computer screen where he was running numbers.  
“No, it’s just you told me to come down for my check up today. Is now a bad time?”  
“Not at all, this shouldn’t take a minute. Come stand over here,” he replied pointing to an area on the floor clear of workbenches and science gizmos. “How are you feeling?”  
“Well, my head is no longer buzzing, my wrist is more itchy than painful under this cast, and the bruising has gone down. But my ribs still really hurt.” I replied, moving to the position he had indicated.  
“JARVIS, begin scan.”  
“Yes, Dr Banner.”  
"That all sounds about right, you can probably ease off the ice-packs now if the swelling has gone down. But I would continue taking the painkillers which we prescribed for you." Bruce said, eyes glued to the holographic scan that JARVIS was forming to my left.  
"Thank God for that, I was beginning to think that I'd never be warm again!" I joked, trying to watch the holograph whilst not moving.  
"Really?" Bruce asked, one eyebrow raised above his glasses. "I'd heard that you'd found a way to stay toasty."  
"I have no idea what you're talking about Dr Banner." I replied, trying, and failing, to hold back the blush that I could feel forming across my cheeks.  
"So it's not true that you've been seen snuggled up against a certain super-soldier?" He asked, not even bothering to hide the sarcastic look on his face.  
"Yes it's true," I sighed. "Are people talking about me?" The thought that my private life was being gossiped about in the tower was heartbreaking. I had no idea what was going on between James and myself but I didn't want others speculating as to the nature of our relationship.  
"Hope, no." Bruce replied, seeing the hurt on my face and reaching out to place a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Darcy and I were talking about it the other day, she was so excited to see the two of you together that she had to tell someone. But she only spoke to me, she wouldn't gossip about you like that."  
"No, you're right Bruce. I shouldn't have worried." I said with a small smile, reaching up to cover his hand with mine. "Old trust issues die hard I guess? Anyway, how am I looking doc, think I'll live to see another day?"  
"JARVIS, what do you think?"  
"The broken ribs are knitting together well, as is the fracture on your left wrist Miss Hope. The swelling around your ribs has gone down by 70%. There is currently no reason as to why you shouldn't see another sunrise." The cultured British accent rang out, with more than a little sass. I couldn't help the giggle that escaped.  
"Thanks J." I said with a smile.  
"With the swelling reduced as much as it is I would cut back the ice-packs to once a day, and as I said continue with the painkillers as before. If your wrist continues to heal well we can get that cast off and fit you for a splint before too much longer." Bruce replied, returning my smile.  
"Anything else I need to be doing?"  
"Just keep up with the breathing exercises as we discussed."  
"Oh yeah, sure, no problem. They're very similar to the ones given to me by my old choir master so they're pretty easy to do."  
"You sing Hope?" Bruce asked, catching hold of this rare snippet of personal information.  
"I used to," I replied, keeping my eyes low. "Not for a long time now though."  
"Well, you could introduce some singing exercises into your breathing exercises if they start to get a little bit dull." Bruce said, turning to look at my scan again. "JARVIS, please file the scan into Hope's medical file. Hello Sergeant."  
Looking up, I saw my favourite super soldier heading around the corner into Bruce's lab. The smile that spread across my face at the sight of him was instantaneous, although I tried to turn down the wattage slightly so that I wasn't grinning like an idiot at my secret crush.  
"Hey doc, I hope you don't mind the interruption. I was just looking for Hope." James replied, smiling at both of us.  
"No interruption, we were just about done here. Unless you need anything else from me Hope?"  
"No, I think we're good Bruce thank you. I'll see you around love." And turning carefully I followed James out of Bruce's lab and down the corridor to the elevator. "So what can I do for you good sir?"  
"Steve and I were wondering if you wanted to come around to ours, we are planning on pizza, beer and watching Firefly. You interested?"  
"Are you kidding me? An evening with my two favouritest super-soldiers, junk food, beer and the best tv show ever to have been cancelled by Fox? Of course I'm in! What can I bring?"  
"Just yourself gorgeous," Bucky said winking at me.  
"Think you're funny dontcha Sarge, how about I bring dessert? I have a white chocolate and raspberry cheesecake languishing in my freezer as we speak. Should only take a couple of hours to defrost."  
"Woah, wait a second there Hope. You wouldn't tease a man would you?" Bucky asked stepping into the elevator after ushering me inside.  
"I'm not that kind of a girl Sarge," I quickly replied smiling up at him. "So what do you say, wanna come grab the cheesecake? We both know that at the speed I'm going at it will be tomorrow before I get round to your place if I have to do it!"  
"JARVIS, you heard the lady. Take us to Hope's floor first please."  
"Yes Sergeant," and with that the elevator took off. 

Two hours later, and I was on my second beer, the boys had finished off three large pizzas between them (I'd stuck to my two slice limit, saving room for dessert). Steve was sat on one end of the sofa, Bucky had stationed himself next to me, passing me another slice when I had finished my first, grabbing me another beer when he went for his own. He was looking after me, and I have to admit I was really enjoying it. Settling back in to the cushions just as Mal and Kaylee walked into the shindig I sighed a little as Bucky put his arm around my shoulders, talking care not to jostle me.  
"I can't believe it has taken the two of you this long to watch Firefly, it's one of Joss' greatest (if shortest lived) achievements."  
"We've had a lot of catching up to do doll, and I had no idea that a television series about space cowboys could be this good."  
"Well you've learned that lesson haven't you fellas?" I replied, trying to stifle a yawn.  
"Tired Hope?" Steve asked from around Bucky.  
"Hmm? Nope," I tried sitting straighter to prove my point but only served in causing a flash of pain to burn across my ribs. "Shit. Oh, sorry Steve!"  
"Don't sweat it Hope, I think you're entitled to swear after everything that's gone on over the last couple of weeks."  
"Did you hear that Buck?" I asked, nudging him with my good arm. "I've got permission, better hope that my potty mouth doesn't get the better of me huh?" Steve snickered from his end of the sofa, and Bucky rose up next to me.  
"Come on doll, let's get you home." And taking my good arm he helped me stand.  
"Ok I'm going to go, but I swear to god if you boys don't save me a slice of that cheesecake I'm never bringing you goodies again!"  
"With a threat like that I'll stand guard the rest of the night and make sure it's safe doll." Bucky replied grinning down at me. "Now come on, say goodnight to Stevie."  
I walked over to where Steve had risen from his position on the sofa (like the gentleman he is) and crooked my finger to get him to bring his face lower to mine, raising my lips I kissed his cheek.  
"Goodnight Stevie," I said snarkily, before turning to the door. "Remember what I said about that cheesecake now!"  
"I won't forget Hope, sleep well." Steve said, as Bucky followed me over to open the door for me. I turned to say goodnight, but he just looked at me as though I was being simple.  
"What? You think I'm letting you walk home by yourself doll?"  
"Buck, I live a couple of floors away. It's not like I'm walking to Queens!"  
"Humour me doll," he replied, and pulling the door closed behind him he took my hand as we walked towards the elevator. "Did you enjoy tonight?"  
"Of course I did, I always enjoy hanging out with my favourite nonagenarians James." I said giving his hand a squeeze.   
"Really? That's how it's gonna be huh?" He pushed the call button for the elevator, and took the opportunity to move closer and put his arm around my shoulders.  
"Sorry, reflex action."  
"Reflex to what doll?"  
"Getting close to someone, I fall back on sarcasm. My therapist tells me it's a way of distancing myself from caring too much." I replied, not thinking how much my words may have given away regarding my true feelings.  
"Hmmm, really." Bucky whispered next to me.  
"C'mon, lets go get me home," I said as I pulled him into the elevator. Nestling into James side, I let his strength hold me up as I felt myself getting sleepier. "Mmmm, warm."  
"Sure am doll, gotta love that feeling." James replied, looking down and resting his cheek against the top of my head. "Nearly there Hope, lets go."  
And James guided us out of the elevator and down the corridor to my door. Once inside my apartment he threw my keys into the glass bowl where I kept them.  
"Do you need the bathroom doll?"  
"Nuhuh, bed." I mumbled, becoming more incomprehensible the longer I was upright.  
James snuffled a laugh as he followed me into my bedroom, stopping me at the edge of the bed he guided my sweater off over both arms before pulling it gently off over my head. Lowering me onto the mattress, he knelt down in front of me to remove my sneakers before standing to lower me to the bed.  
"Comfy doll?" he asked as I nestled into the pile of pillows behind me.  
"Yesss," I whispered.  
"Night doll, sleep well." James replied with a smile, moving to the doorway of my bedroom.  
"James? C'mere a minute." My sleepy self called out, and crooking my finger in a 'come hither' motion I got James to lower his face to mine. Stretching up I placed a lingering kiss on his cheek before settling back. "Night James."  
I noticed the smile that stretched across his handsome face as he rose up from beside me, and it was that beautiful image that I kept in my mind's eye as sleep came and took me away.


	9. Chapter 9

A couple of weeks passes, with more rest enforced by Bruce and aided by the rest of the team. My plaster cast was indeed downgraded to a splint, as Bruce had promised, giving me a damn sight more freedom. And with each passing day my ribs had settled down to a dull ache instead of the splintering pain of previously  
And I was going slowly mad! I was only allowed to leave the tower for short amounts of time, and never at night. I still hadn't been cleared for active duty (not even paperwork) and the whole business of doing nothing but recuperate was slowly but surely driving me around the bend.  
That was all about to change though, I had been contacted by an old friend who had needed my help, and finding myself agreeing meant that there was an event coming up that was going to get me out of the tower for an evening. I couldn't wait! Over the next week I fielded several phone calls, and spent a lot of time alone in my apartment with my do not disturb enforced by JARVIS. This alteration in my behaviour had not gone unnoticed by my team though and it all came to a head on the afternoon before my Friday night excursion.  
I had just stepped out of the shower when someone knocked at my door, wrapping a robe tightly around me I walked along the hallway to answer, all the while praying that this would be a quick visit as I needed to get ready to go out. Answering the door to see James standing there I smiled and stepped back to let him in.  
"Hey James, how you doing?"  
"I'm ok," he replied grimly. I looked up into his face and noticed the worry there.  
"You're not though are you?" I said, reaching out to take his hand and draw him to the sofa. "What's on your mind?"  
"Is everything ok doll, I mean are you struggling again?" he asked, his gaze intent.  
"Oh shit!" I exclaimed, realising how my recent behaviour would have appeared to be me falling victim to the depression which had gripped my mind before. "Fuck, James no. Oh god I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry. I'm fine, better than actually."  
He studied my face whilst I spoke, taking in the mischievous glint in my eyes and the lopsided grin on my face he visibly relaxed into the sofa cushions.  
"Thinking about it there is something which you can do for me though." I said, my smile widening, he looked intrigued. "Could you meet me back here at 7.30? You don't need to dress too smartly we'll just be going to a bar."  
"Hope, I could be wrong but did you just ask me out on a date?" I blushed as I realised that yes, I had basically just asked my crush out on a date.  
"Sort of yes, sort of no? But if you could tell anyone who asks what we're up to that we're on a date that would be great." I said standing and leading him towards the door. "For now though I need you to bugger off as I have to get ready."  
"No problem Sweetheart, I'm intrigued I must confess. Mostly about the 'sort of yes' part of our evening." This last sentence was uttered in a whisper close to my ear and caused a shiver to run down my spine.

When he arrived at my door, right on time, I was ready and raring to go. Dressed in a navy mini dress, with my favourite biker jacket and boots, my long hair falling in waves down my back I could barely contain my excitement for the evening ahead. My handsome escort looked effortlessly gorgeous as ever in a dark green Henley and jeans with his hair tied back, and between us we managed to leave the tower without anyone noticing.  
"So are you going to tell me what this evening is in aid of? Not that I'm complaining mind." James said as he sat with his arm around me in the back of the cab.  
"I can't I'm too nervous, if I talk about it I may just throw up." I couldn't keep my hands still in my lap. The combination of being free from the tower and in such close proximity to James was a heady experience. I turned to look up at him. "All will be clear soon, I promise." And with that we pulled up at the entrance to the bar, getting out of the cab I held onto James' hand and led him to a table that had been reserved.  
"Just wait here and I'll be back in a little bit."  
"Hope, I don't understand, what's," raising myself up onto my toes I silenced him with a kiss, before leaving him slightly dazed as I went through a door marked as 'Staff Only' at the end of the bar.  
Another five minutes saw me walking onto the the stage that took up a corner of the bar and into the spotlight waiting for me in front of the microphone stand. I looked out into the crowd and although I knew James was out there I couldn't see him. The hum of noise died down as I motioned to the band behind me that it was time. I stared out into the crowd as the drummer and guitarist started up, and I joined in a few beats later.  
"Do what you, what you want  
If you have a dream for better  
Do what you what you want  
Till you don't want it any more (Remember who you really are)"  
The music surrounded me as I took a breather in the gap between the verses and our rendition of Evanescence's 'What You Want' was well under way.  
"Do what you, what you want  
Your world’s closing in on you now (it isn’t over)  
Stand and face the unknown (got to remember who you really are)"  
I was channelling my inner Rock Goddess at this point, calling on the memories of dozens of times in which I had performed in bars and clubs just like this, and at the end of the song the riotous applause died out as we moved onto 'Good Enough'.  
Two songs later and I was making my way off the stage after taking my bow, and recognising the talent of the musicians on stage behind me. I had just stepped into the wings when a cool metal arm reached out to drag me further into the shadows. Reaching up I wrapped my arms around Bucky's neck, and threw all the exhilaration and passion which I had felt on stage into our first proper kiss. I backed him up against the wall and pressed myself firmly against him. His hands were spread across my lower back holding me close, and our kiss was a glorious meeting of tongues, teeth and lips.  
We broke apart finally out of a need for oxygen rather than a lack of desire, and were both breathing heavily.  
"Hope, that was..........incredible. You were incredible." Bucky said, gazing down into my eyes, his hands settled comfortably on my hips. "I mean I always knew that you could sing, but I didn't know that you performed like this."  
I stretched up and pulled him down into another kiss, this one lazy and sweet.  
"That was a one time only performance for an old friend, and is unlikely to be repeated any time soon." I replied, taking him by his metal hand and leading him out into the bar. "Now come on let's go home, my first evening out for more than a month and I am done in." And waving to my friend who was standing behind the bar, I ducked my head so that we could get out without being noticed. 

I must have fallen asleep on the cab ride home as I woke to James calling my name gently as I shifted myself from where I was snuggled against his shoulder. The adrenaline of my performance had burnt itself off and I found myself blushing at the over-familiar position I had assumed, curling up into James as though I had every right to do so. He must have sensed my withdrawal and before I had time to convince myself that tonight had been part of some sort of wonderful dream he was taking my hand and helping me out of the cab. Pulling my arm through his he matched his steps to mine as we made our way through security and over to the elevators which would take us up to the living quarters of the tower. I could feel my normal anxiety at being stuck in a small moving box start to rise, and then James was standing in front of me. He raised one hand to my face to cup my cheek, and his thumb was stroking over my lips when he lowered his mouth to cover mine. His hand moved into my hair to cup my head and his mouth teased mine with the softest of touches. One of my hands came to rest against his heartbeat with my other arm snaking up around his neck keeping me anchored to him. If our earlier kiss had been driven by passion, this one revealed a depth of caring that caused my heart to stutter. The elevator doors opened behind me and I broke the kiss and rested my forehead against his.  
"I can't begin to tell you what this night has meant to me, I'm pretty sure that I couldn't have gotten up on that stage without you." James took my hand and walked down the corridor towards my front door.  
"Even though I had no idea why we were there?" he said with a laugh in his voice as we stopped in front of my door.  
"Just having you there was enough," I replied with a small smile.  
"Then I'm very pleased to have been of service Sweetheart, thank you for trusting me to come with you."  
"That's just it, I do trust you James." I stretched up to plant a kiss at the corner of his mouth. "I'll see you in the morning?"  
"Sure will, goodnight Sweetheart."  
"Goodnight James," I replied heading to my apartment.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with 'The Talk'.

There was a knock at my door the next morning, just as I was putting the finishing touches to a Chocolate Guinness Cake for Bruce.  
"Come in!" I yelled, making my way over to the door. I couldn't hide the shy smile which came over my face as James walked in wearing jeans and a grey t-shirt, with his hair carelessly tied back.  
"Morning gorgeous," he said pulling me into this arms for a kiss. "Mmmm, why do you taste so sweet, and what is that incredible smell?"  
"That would be a chocolate cake that I'm making for Bruce, I promised him one after he pulled me out of the rubble on our last mission." James' arms tightened around me as I brought up the unwelcome memory of that awful day.  
"I thank God on a daily basis that he did Sweetheart." James replied, placing a kiss on the top of my head. I figured we needed to talk after the previous evening saw our relationship progress past the level of friendship.  
"James I have to tell you something."  
"What is it Hope, everything ok?" James asked, looking down into my face his earlier smile replaced by worry.  
"Yeah, just come here." And I led him over to my sofa, seating him in the corner before kneeling on the cushion next to him. "I want to be honest with you because I really care about you."  
"I care about you too," he replied with a small smile, taking my hand and lacing his fingers with mine.  
"Good, that's good," I replied on a sigh. "I'm hoping that this is the start of something meaningful between us, maybe something lasting?"  
"That's my intention doll, I'm not messing around here. I've wanted this, wanted you for a long time."  
"Me too, but there's something you should know. I've never had a proper relationship with anyone before, my experiences with relationships have been limited to the short-term." The words all came out in a rush, I lowered my eyes as I waited for his response. Lifting my chin so that I could meet his gaze, his lips met mine once, twice, before he brushed my lips with his thumb.  
"That just makes it all the more special for me, I'm one lucky son of a bitch." He said with a small smile.  
"You say that now, but this is going to be a learning process for me. I'm going to piss you off with my need for space, my inability to open up about everything that might be passing through my head." I squeezed his hand with a sad little smile on my face. "I built some pretty big walls around my heart a long time ago James. I don't know how you did it, cos you found your way inside, but it's going to take time for them to come down completely."  
"Hope, you said last night that you trusted me, is that true?" He asked, stroking his thumb across my knuckles.  
"I do, oh God I do James!" Looking into his eyes so he could see the truth of my words there.  
"Then trust me when I say that we will take as long as you need before we take any major steps in this relationship ok? Because that's what I want with you, a partnership, a loving, romantic, intimate relationship. But we will take this at your pace, alright?" He asked, as though he hadn't just said exactly what my terrified little heart had needed to hear. I moved so that I was straddling his hips, taking his handsome face in my hand I lowered my face until our lips met, it was a promise, a soft, heart-string pulling promise. My lips moved against his as his arms came around me to hold me closer, I stroked his bottom lip with my tongue and his lips parted under mine. The kiss turned slightly heated at this point, God but that man can kiss! We changed angle and speed, and his hands found their way under my top to stroke the bare skin of my back. James was the first to break away, and I was breathing heavily too as I felt him rest his head against my shoulder.  
"James?" I asked, placing a kiss to the top of his head. "Are you ok?" He raised his head and looked deeply into my eyes before pressing another kiss against my lips.  
"I am so much more than ok Hope." he said, the most beautiful smile spread across his mouth. "I'm only sorry that it took a building falling on you to finally tell you how I feel."  
"Yeah, so how long is a 'long time' anyways?" I asked, referencing his earlier comment.  
"Don't freak out, but I think it may have been from the moment that we met." He replied, watching for my reaction to his words.  
"What on earth do you mean, you can't have done!"  
"Do you remember, what happened when we first met doll?"  
"Yeah, Steve introduced us, I gave you a hug and you kinda froze before hugging me back." I replied, thinking back to that day when I had met the handsome man before me. When he had been only a few months into his recovery, and still wore that haunted expression.  
"That was the first hug I'd had from anyone other than Steve since I fell off that train doll, you weren't scared of me. That was the sweetest physical contact that I'd had in a long time." he replied quietly. I couldn't stop the tears that formed at the thought. I hugged him closer and forced the tears back.  
"I met you," I said into his hair before moving back slightly so that I could meet his gaze. "And I couldn't help but think that you really needed a hug, God that sounds pathetic I know but I was told a long time ago that it takes ten hugs a day to stay happy and healthy and you were clearly suffering from a lack of them."  
"Not pathetic, not at all doll." He replied, his arms coming closer around me. "However, with missing out on ten hugs a day for the last 70 or so years I've got a lot of catching up to do, we might have to stay like this for a while."  
"Hmmmm," I sighed, settling in against the warmth of him. "Anything to assist in your mental well-being."  
"Sergeant Barnes?"  
"Yes JARVIS, what is it?" He asked, sighing at the interruption.  
"There's been an alert sir, the Avengers are needed." Came the accented reply.  
"No problem, tell the others that I'll be right there." James replied. I stood up carefully, taking a couple of steps backwards to let him up. He took my hand and pulled me back into him. "Gotta go Sweetheart."  
"I know, but you listen carefully. You stay safe James Buchanan Barnes, you hear me? No stupid stuff that could get you hurt ok?" I punctuated each word with a prod to his chest.  
"I promise," he replied, lowering his head and kissing me thoroughly. "I'll see you when I get back."  
"Damn well better had!" And with that he walked out of my door. I felt completely mixed up inside, I had shared my innermost fears and had them eased by the warmth of his honesty and affection. But now he had gone off to do battle against God only knows what, and I was stuck here, useless and broken. My first instinct was to batten down the hatches and hole up alone in my apartment, watching the news footage and worrying about when he would be home. But that was not a choice in the best interests of my mental well-being.  
"JARVIS, where's Darcy and Jane?"  
"Miss Lewis and Doctor Foster have taken up position in the living room with the news feed Miss Hope."  
"Thanks JARVIS," I walked over to where Bruce's cake was sitting and packed it into a cake carrier, then with just a moment's thought I had ported myself to where Darcy and Jane were sitting. I joined with them as we waited for news of how our team was faring.


	11. Chapter 11

I managed about an hour watching the action with Darcy and Jane before I just couldn't take any more. The team were in the midst of a Hydra uprising, a sleeper cell that had been left out in the cold after Cap brought down SHIELD/Hydra a little over a year ago. Watching my team battle the advanced weaponry and huge numbers of Hydra agents, knowing that I hadn't recovered enough for me to be anything other than a hindrance, it was unbearable.  
"Guys I'm sorry but I can't just sit here any longer and do nothing!"  
"Hope, you know you can't go out there don't you?" Darcy asked, taking my hand.  
"I know, god I know! And that's the part that's killing me. I'm gonna go and cook them something to eat for when they get back."  
"That sounds like a good idea," Jane said looking up from where she was perched anxiously on the edge of the sofa. "Would you like a hand?"  
"No, thank you though," I replied striding over to the kitchen. "Jarvis can you patch their comms through to the kitchen please?"  
"Certainly Hope," And with that I could hear the bark of orders, the banter between them as they met each attack with their typical skill and determination. Listening to them and not being there with them was worse than watching the news, but at least this way I would know what was going on. The thought of not knowing was so much worse. Taking a deep breath I moved over to the fridge and gathered everything that I would need for my Granny's Irish Stew. I figured by the time I'd gotten that finished if they still hadn't arrived back I could move onto making bread. I was determined to keep myself busy, I didn't want to give in to the despair that threatened with each passing moment, at the thought of my friends, of James being in danger.

The sounds of battle intensified as I began the final stages of the stew, and so far there were no major casualties on our side. One seriously scary moment where the Hulk was lost under a huge pile of masonry, but it wasn't long before I heard a familiar roar and a collective sigh of relief from the team. Shortly afterwards Jarvis announced that the Quinjet had landed on the roof, I almost held my breath as I waited for the team to make their way down to the kitchen. Bruce, Steve and Thor were the first ones in.  
"You lot are a sight for sore eyes," I said by way of greeting. "Anybody hungry?" Bruce walked over to where I was stirring the huge pan of stew and put an arm over my shoulders.  
"I could have sworn I was too tired to eat but that smells just too damn good to pass up." I smiled up at him as I served him up a steaming bowl of lamb, veggies and pearl barley in a rich thick gravy.  
"There's bread on the counter if you want some," I said nodding over to the basket of wholemeal rolls I'd whipped up. "Where's the others at?"  
"Clint and Nat are down in the med bay, Clint landed awkwardly and has thrown out his knee. Nat maintains that he couldn't find his own ass if his hands were tied behind his back so has gone with him." Steve replied, taking an appreciative sniff. "Bucky disappeared off to the apartment muttering something about taking a shower. I think this one hit him hard Hope."  
I looked up at the worry on Steve's face and knew that I had to do something. I moved to the cupboard above the sink and grabbed an insulated bowl before filling it with stew.  
"I'll pop upstairs and see if I can tempt him," I smiled a little at Steve and saw the worry lessen slightly. "You guys help yourselves to more if you want it. There's chocolate cake for dessert." And with that I ported up to the hallway outside of James' door. It had been left slightly ajar, because he was hoping for company or had simply not closed it behind him in his distressed state I couldn't tell. I knocked gently before entering the living room, and the first thing I saw was James. Sitting on his sofa, shoulders hunched, hands hanging down between his knees, staring at nothing. Setting the container of stew down on the coffee table I crouched down in front of him and took his hands in mine.  
"James, sweetheart can you hear me? Are you ok?" Nothing, there was no reaction to my presence at all, and his flesh hand was cold to my touch. Looking at him sat there in his battle stained clothes, a bruise forming across one cheek just below a sizeable cut, I knew that I couldn't leave him like this.  
"James love, I need you to come with me," standing up and tugging on his hands I got him upright and following me down the hallway to his large bathroom. Getting the shower going so it was good and warm, I knelt before Bucky and got his boots and socks off before standing up and working on his body armour. He let me undress him as though he were a child, when he finally stood before me magnificently nude I wondered at my courage. Undressing myself til I was down to my bra and the boy shorts that I had put on this morning, I pushed and guided James until he was standing under the warm spray of the shower. Taking his hair down from where he had it tied back I worked some shampoo up into a lather before working it into his hair. Rinsing it off I started humming one of the folk songs I'd learned from my father, I don't know if it was the sound of my voice or the hot water and feel of my hands stroking soap over his skin, but he sighed and lowered his head to place a kiss on my shoulder. Turning my head towards him I brushed my lips across his in the briefest of kisses.  
"You came back to me," I whispered.  
"I heard an angel calling me doll, it would have been rude to ignore her," he replied stroking a hand down my jawline to rest against my neck.  
"Are you hungry?"  
"No, just tired now I think doll." He replied turning to switch the water off. I stepped out and grabbed a towel to pass to him. Grabbing one for myself I was drying off when I felt a hand on my shoulder, turning to look up at him as he spoke.  
"Hope I've no right to ask, but would you stay with me tonight? I don't want to be alone." I reached my arms up around his neck and stretched up to rest my head against his shoulder, and he sighed as he wrapped his hands around my waist.  
"You listen carefully to me Sergeant," I whispered. "You have every right to ask this of me, I care about you. Now go put some clothes on and I'll be through in a minute."  
As I released him from my arms he smiled tiredly down at me before shuffling out of the bathroom, his towel knotted low around his hips. A minute later I was still standing in the bathroom trying to figure out what combination of my clothes would be comfy enough to sleep in when James appeared in the doorway, a pair of sweats having replaced the dangerously low slung towel.  
"Here," he said passing me a t-shirt. "This might be more comfortable."  
Smiling up at him I pulled the t-shirt over my now only slightly damp underwear, I reached out for his hand and taking hold of mine he led the way to his bedroom. He slid under the covers and into the middle of his bed, holding the blankets up so that I could join him. Climbing in beside him I curled up against his left side and threw my arm over his waist, resting my hand over his heart. James' arm came around me and he placed a chaste kiss on my forehead.  
"Goodnight Hope," he whispered.  
"Night James," I replied nuzzling his chest before I slowed my breathing to match his, and we drifted off to sleep.

We must have managed a couple of hours sleep before I woke to the sounds of Bucky groaning and tossing his head. He was obviously in the throes of a nightmare.  
"James, hush now, you're safe. I'm here," I said as I brushed his hair away from his face, smoothing his brow and stroking my hand down his cheek. "I've got you, it's ok. It's all gonna be ok."  
Murmuring to him, and stroking his hair I managed to soothe him back to sleep. The second nightmare had him shooting straight up in bed, breathing heavily and looking wildly around him. Sitting up next to him I hugged him close until his arms came around me and we sank back onto the bed. Taking several deep breaths until his chest stopped heaving, he ran his hands from my shoulders to my hips as if to reassure himself that I was real.  
"You know, you never really answered my question as to how you ended up on that stage the other night."  
"Well the woman who owns the bar is what you might call an 'old friend', back when I made my way as a singer she always booked me when I was in New York." I told him, understanding that his desire to be distracted from the terrors of the night. "She had an opening act cancel on her, and even though it had been years since I performed she called in a favour."  
"Old friend?" James asked, I noticed that his hands had stilled against my skin. Realising then that this was the first time that I had mentioned my bisexual nature to Bucky I sat up and looked down at his face in the darkness.  
"Yeah," I replied hesitantly. "I'm bisexual James, have you heard that term before?" I could just make out his nod.  
"It means you like girls as well as guys right?"  
"It does yeah," I could feel the chill of the night air raising goose pimples across my skin where the blankets had pooled around my hips. "Is that ok James? Do you want me to go?"  
"Go?" He asked suddenly, snapping back to the moment. "Go where doll, I don't care about the men or women that you've slept with before me. You're here now and that's all I care about."  
"You sure? I don't want to make you uncomfortable."  
"Now you're just being silly Hope, c'mere," And he pulled me back down into his arms before pulling the blankets up around us both. "So what kicked off your illustrious singing career doll?"  
"Well singing came easy to me, always had. Once I left home I had to find some way to support myself and this seemed the easiest way." I replied, settling back into the comfort of his embrace. "And it meant having the freedom to move around, like the nomadic existence was expected of me so I didn't stand out so much."  
"I can't quite imagine you fading into the background Sweetheart," James said as he ran his hand up into my hair.  
"Well I needed to at times, if I wasn't careful enough and used my powers in front of people, I've had to hightail it out of a couple of places that I'm still not brave enough to visit."  
"Hope, I have a confession to make."  
"Yeah, what's that then?" I asked, propping myself up on his chest with a smile.  
"I may have gotten Jarvis to record your performance."  
"You did what?!" Sitting up I looked down into his slightly embarrassed gaze.  
"Well as soon as I saw you walk out onto the stage I figured out what was going on, and it just hit me that I was the only member of our lil family there to witness your performance. And that maybe you would like them to see it someday."  
"Ok, when you put it like that it actually sounds very sweet." Shifting myself back to my former position curled up against him, and smiled as his hand came around me to land on my hip and I burrowed in a little closer.  
"Hope, earlier in the shower?" Grateful that he couldn't see as I blushed ferociously at the recollection of my boldness. "What was it that you were humming? He asked.  
"It was an old folk song that my Da taught me." James yawned hugely and his breathing slowed down another notch.  
"You'll have to sing it for me sometime," he replied on a sleepy whisper.  
"I will, I promise. Rest now though, I've got you." With my head pillowed on his chest, I listened to his heartbeat and prayed to whichever deities were listening that perhaps now he could sleep peacefully. Soon I drifted off, the two of us wrapped up in each other and a mess of blankets, slept through the rest of the night.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love a morning after, well so long as you don't get interrupted.

I woke up the next morning with a warm male chest at my back and a metal arm holding me close. Letting out a contented sigh I breathed in the woodsy male scent of James and smiled. Opening my eyes properly I could see from the quality of light showing through the curtains that it was still fairly early morning. The arm around my waist tightened gently and a kiss was placed on the back of my neck.  
"Morning gorgeous," I replied before turning to face him and answering his kiss with one of my own. So when Steve walked in to wake Bucky for their morning training session he was a bit shocked to say the least.  
"Ah shit Hope" Steve said, nearly dropping the mug of coffee he was holding. "I'm sorry, I had no idea you'd spent the night."  
At this point I had no idea who was blushing more, the deliciously rumpled Cap for interrupting us, or me for being found in his best friend's bed!  
"Don't worry about it Punk," James said as I went to hide my face in his chest. "Give me 20 minutes to get ready and I'll meet you in the gym."  
"Sure thing jerk, I'm still sorry for just barging in though."  
"No worries Steve, it's time we were getting up anyway."I replied, braving a look as he hurriedly closed the door. I laughed at the image of making Captain America blush before reaching up to pull Bucky's head down to mine. "Now where were we." And with a wicked looking grin his lips met mine before his tongue coaxed my lips apart and our kiss went deeper. My hands ranged up and down the muscles of his back, stroking over the join of metal and flesh at his shoulder. As our breathing picked up we slowed the kiss down before breaking away.  
"Mmmm, morning doll," he replied in answer to my earlier greeting. We lay in each other's arms simply enjoying the feeling of being together, our legs tangled up underneath the sheets. "Thank you for last night Sweetheart."  
I kissed him gently before replying.  
"I meant what I said last night Sarge, I care about you. I couldn't stay away knowing that you might have needed me."  
"I definitely need you," he said as he pulled me closer into his embrace, resting his hand on the curve of my ass. "I always need you, but right now I have to get up and join Steve and Sam in the gym."  
"I know," I said on a sigh. "I guess that means I should get up too." I threw back the covers of the bed and walked across the room to retrieve my pile of clothes.  
"I'm never gonna be able to wear that shirt again without thinking of how gorgeous you look in it," Bucky said, bounding up from the bed and walking over to me.  
"Who said I was going to give it back?" grinning up at him.  
"Ok, that's it. I can't take sassy on top of beautiful and wearing my clothes. Get out of here Hope and I'll see you later."  
"Aye aye Sarge," and stretching up for one last kiss I ported out of his bedroom and back down to my own. Knowing that I had my own regimen to get on with to continue healing I stepped in the shower and washed off the scent of Bucky's bed. Dressing in a pair of skinny jeans and a loose t-shirt that hung off one shoulder I ported my way up to the roof. Having discussed with Bruce the possibility of adding some singing to my deep breathing exercises we had decided that I should spend an hour singing each morning. Between running through vocal warm-ups, scales and my repertoire of songs, my ribs and diaphragm were getting used to expanding to their true limits again. I hadn't quite managed to work up the nerve to do this in front of the rest of the team yet, so this exercise was performed in the privacy of my apartment, or if the weather was good like it was today then up on the roof.  
Today I wasn't alone.  
"Hi Nat, I'm sorry for interrupting," I said looking over as she stood up from some complicated yoga pose.  
"Don't worry, I was just finishing up anyway," she replied as she bent down to gather up her yoga mat. "Oh Bruce spoke to me yesterday, something about a new training regime for you. What did you have in mind?"  
"Well I'm not ready for sparring yet but I was hoping that you and Clint could help with my psychic abilities? I've been porting around more often to get back into the habit, but I need some help training with my telekinesis and freezing powers in combat settings."  
"So fending off projectiles, freezing adversaries that kinda thing?" Natasha said, tucking a stray red curl behind her ear.  
"Exactly that yes!" I exclaimed, delighted that she had divined my thoughts so accurately. "Using my powers used to be second nature, but now when I try it's a little like wearing clothes that are too tight? If that makes any sense!"  
"I get what you mean Hope, that shouldn't be a problem, Clint and I can come up with a training program to get you started off slow." Natasha replied, but then the thoughtful look on her face dissolved into a smirk and her next comment took me completely by surprise. "We may require a certain something by way of payment though."  
"Oh yeah sure, what were you thinking?" In my naivete I assumed she was after one of my now legendary cakes.  
"There is a certain video in the possession of a super-soldier whom we all know and love, of a performance in a bar? We'd love to see it!"  
"How the hell did you hear about that?!" I almost yelled at her.  
"Oh Hope I'm sorry, I didn't realise it was a secret. Clint was up in his nest in the gym when Steve and Bucky came in talking about it. I didn't mean to upset you." And dropping her mat to the floor, she pulled me into a hug which I quickly returned.  
"No Nat, it's ok honestly. It's just I hadn't wanted anyone to know about it, and now it's like my old life is coming back to haunt me. Even if it's the parts that I'm proud of. And there are parts of it that I want to stay forgotten." I replied, sighing. "It just makes me worry about what else will rear it's ugly head."  
"God do I understand that," the former assassin replied with a wry smile. "In which case, one of your white chocolate and ginger cheesecakes will do, and I'll smack Clint upside the head if he mentions the video again."  
"Thanks Nat," I said grinning. I watched as she stooped to grab the fallen yoga mat, and smiled at me before making her way over to the elevators.  
"But Hope?" she called out before stepping inside. "When you're comfortable enough to show us, we would love to see it."  
As she stepped inside the elevator I couldn't help but think was I being silly for clinging on to my privacy so tightly? Was it wrong of me to not share this part of myself with my new found family? Filing this away for careful thought later, I began the warm-ups for my morning's breathing exercise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updates!

After a quick change into some workout clothes, and an even quicker call to Tony to put my plan in motion (the one in which I enlighten my kooky little family with a little of my previous existence), I headed down to the main gym to meet my trainer/tormentors. Once Nat had filled Clint in on my request they quickly compiled a two hour training course to get me back to where I needed to be.  
The plan was to start me off with various automatic projectiles, such as bean bags and rubber bullets, being fired at me. Which was then going to escalate, if I felt up to it, to Clint and Natasha firing a variety of slightly deadlier weapons at me. It started off well, with me freezing and deflecting the airborne missiles and occasionally sending them back to take out the weapons firing at me. We were about 20 minutes in to the audience participation section of my session when I teleported seven feet up in the air from where I'd been standing to avoid being skewered by an arrow from Clint and a knife from Nat. Freezing them and the numerous other projectiles that had been about to strike me I dropped back down into the middle of them all, but I wasn't prepared for the impact. The landing jarred my still healing ribs and I raised a hand in surrender.  
"Hold it guys." I called out, trying to catch my breath. Natasha made her way over to me, as Clint made his way down from his spot up high.  
"Shit Hope, you ok?" Nat asked, offering me a hand up. Grimacing, I grabbed Natasha's hand to help myself up and grunted as a twinge ran through my ribs.  
"Yeah Nat I'm good. I shouldn't have dropped from so high though, the impact kinda knocked me for six." I replied smiling ruefully. "I think we may have to call it a day."  
"No worries Hope," Clint said as he made his way through the myriad projectiles which I still had frozen around us, grabbing his arrow on the way. "You did bloody good for a first session I have to say."  
"Thanks Clint," I replied beaming. "Now all I want is a hot bath and to sleep for a week, but it's good to know that my powers aren't that out of whack, even with lack of use."  
"So what do you reckon, a couple more sessions should do the trick Hope?" Nat asked as we made our way over to where three bottles of water stood waiting for us.  
"Yeah, and then if we could incorporate it into my regular training that would be perfect."  
"Leave it to us darlin," Clint replied with a grin. "We'll figure out a way to keep you on those telekinetic toes of yours."  
The three of us moved towards the gym exit and I figured now was as good a time as any to broach the subject of acquainting my new friends with a little of my past.  
"So, Tony and I are planning a little party. Just a night for the team to blow off a little steam, we're limiting the guest list to Avengers and friends of if you guys are up for it?"  
"Sure, we haven't had a proper do in ages." Nat said to Clint to see what he thought.  
"Sounds like a plan to me, hell so long as there's cold beer I'll be there."  
"Nice one," I could barely keep the excited grin off my face. "I'll tell the rest of the guys, thanks for the sesh you two. I'm off for that bath." And I ported my way up to my living room. I arrived in the middle of the space and quickly noticed that I wan't alone, there was someone in my kitchen and based on the intoxicating smells that were issuing forth some serious cooking was going on.  
"Well hey there soldier," I said walking up to Bucky who was stood in the midst of the chaos that had been my nice clean kitchen.  
"Hope," he said with a smile as he turned from the stove to greet me properly. "I wasn't expecting you back yet."  
I went to stretch up and kiss my chef, but couldn't hide the flinch as my damaged ribs made their presence felt reminding me of the incident which had cut short my training. James noticed and straight away his hands went to my hips, holding me away from him so he could examine me for injury.  
"Hey you ok?"  
"I'm fine," I replied moving my body closer to his. "It's nothing that a hot bath and a kiss won't cure."  
"In that order?" James asked, smirking. He lowered his head and brushed his lips over mine.  
"Hmmmm, I prefer your choice of order. Now, not that I'm ungrateful or anything, but what are you doing here?"  
"Well I bumped into Clint earlier and he told me about your training session." James answered, stepping away to pull a bottle of wine from my fridge and poured a glass before passing it to me. "I figured after that you'd be tired, so I decided to surprise you with dinner."  
"Which smells amazing," I said, taking the proffered glass of white wine. "How long til it's ready?"  
"You go take that bath, and I'll have it sorted for when you're done." James said, pulling me into his chest and planting a kiss on top of my head. I didn't hold back the unabashed grin that spread across my lips.  
"I have no idea what I did to deserve you James, but I am so happy to have you here." And planting a kiss to the base of his neck I left the kitchen, heading towards my bathroom and my long awaited soak.

An hour spent in a tub of hot water and my favourite mango scented bubble bath had seen off the worst of the aches and pains from my earlier training session. Leaving my hair piled up on top of my head, I dressed in my favourite pjs and went to see how Bucky was getting on with dinner. Seeing him in the kitchen I went to join him.  
"Can I do anything to help?"  
"Sure," James replied grabbing two platters off the side. "Can you put the salad and the garlic bread on the table?"  
"Of course," I reached out to take the platters and noticed him grinning at my outfit. I had dressed in a tank top and my favourite Hulk pj bottoms. "Perhaps I should have gotten dressed up?"  
"Nonsense doll, it's only the two of us. Besides I like what you're wearing right now." He replied, his grin widening.  
"So what are we eating chef?" I asked, turning away so that he wouldn't see me blush.  
"Roasted pepper rigatoni, with a green salad and garlic bread." James replied, bringing two bowls of steaming pasta over to the table, before taking a seat across from me. "Dig in."  
I speared a forkful and couldn't hold back a moan as my mouth experienced an explosion of flavour.  
"Good god James, that is delicious!" I looked up to find him watching me to gauge my reaction. I didn't hold back my smile as I said. "Where on earth did you learn to cook like this?"  
"A neighbour taught me back in the day, I ran errands for her, walked her dog that kinda thing." He replied smiling, the memories not tormenting him as so many did. "In exchange she cooked for me and Steve sometimes, which turned into impromptu lessons."  
"Well if she could see you now she'd be so proud James, the lessons clearly worked!"  
"Thanks doll, so how did training with Nat and Clint go?"  
"Good, it went better than good actually. It was kind of a relief if I'm being honest." James lifted an eyebrow in an unspoken question. "I was getting kind of worried that my psychic abilities might have atrophied with lack of use. But it wasn't long before I relaxed into it and it all came back to me."  
"Amazing, so how long until you can resume your normal training?"  
"According to Bruce this week, why Sarge? You missing me?"  
"What can I say doll, there's no one who can kick my ass more gracefully than you. Besides you're way prettier than Steve."  
"Now there's a compliment," I said grinning. "Steve's very pretty you know."  
"You noticed that huh? So what does that make me?" Standing up I grabbed his now empty pasta bowl and took it into the kitchen. Leaning against the counter I pretended to ponder the question, walking slowly through the arch into the living room I gave him his answer as I stood behind his chair. Resting my hands on his shoulders, and lowering my head to whisper into his ear before speaking.  
"You, James Buchanan Barnes, are ridiculously handsome, devastatingly gorgeous, and one of the kindest most honourable men it has ever been my pleasure to know."  
He stood up and turned to face me, his expression unreadable, moving closer I pulled him into a hug. "And I look forward to getting to know you better."  
"You are damn good for my ego Hope." James said, wrapping his arms around me.  
"Yeah, well, I'm not the only one who needs reminding of their worth around this place. Now sir, with a view to prolonging this evening can I interest you in a coffee, or perhaps something a little sweet?"  
"I'm always interest in a little sweetness doll," he replied, stroking my bottom lip with his thumb. "What did you have in mind?"  
I couldn't resist the temptation, I took his thumb into my mouth and bit gently on the pad before laving it with my tongue.  
"I was thinking chocolate cake, but if you had a better idea I'm open to suggestions."  
"Aargh you're killing me here doll, and I'm trying very hard to remember why we're taking it slow." As he said this he pulled me closer, and I could feel the evidence of his arousal pressing against me. He heaved a sigh and pressed a kiss to the juncture of my neck and shoulder. "We are going to wait, and the experience is going to be all the sweeter for it."  
"Curse you and your honour Sarge," I said as I stretched up to plant a kiss on his frustrated mouth. "Two slices of my Chocolate Guinness cake it is then, and I can fill you in on my plans for the team on Saturday night."  
Gathering up the now empty dishes from the table I headed to the kitchen, pausing on the threshold I looked back over my shoulder at James who was still standing at the table looking somewhat bereft.  
"And maybe we can fool around just a little bit before this night has to end," I smirked as he brightened up at my suggestion and followed me into the kitchen.


	14. Chapter 14

The darkness was all encompassing, there wasn't a glimmer of light anywhere to show me where I was, or if I was alone. Reaching out my hands I couldn't feel the walls that I could feel closing in around me, but the smell. Oh god the smell was still the same, lavender and vanilla covering up an unmistakeable smell of rot, of decay. I could hear her footsteps coming closer, I screwed my eyes up in concentration as I focused all my will on porting myself elsewhere, throwing my every wish, desire and the healthy dose of fear which only she could inspire behind it and opening my eyes only to discover that I was in another dark room. I could feel the walls pressing in on me even when I couldn't see them, then of course the footsteps started again. I froze. She was coming for me again, why couldn't I get away from her? How did she always manage to find me?! I tried again and again to escape her, but every attempt had the same result, and I would find myself trapped, knowing that it was only a matter of time before she found me again. My heartbeat was thundering in my ears, my breath was coming out in short panting gasps to the point where I was hyperventilating, my hands were shaking and I cowered on the floor, wrapping my hands around my knees and burying my head between them. As though if I could make myself small enough she wouldn't be able to see me, she wouldn't be able to lay into me with the rolling pin that I knew she would have in her hand.  
I had tried hadn't I? I had tried so hard not to use my powers, knowing that she hated them, knowing that they made me more of a monster in her eyes than I already was. I looked up in horror as the door was yanked open, and waited to be pulled out into the light to receive my punishment.

Waking up suddenly, the darkness around me causing my breathing to speed up as I waited for the feeling of my mother's cold hands to reach out and grab me once again.  
"Miss Hope?" came the voice of my faithful AI watchdog.  
"Low lights please J," I whispered. My voice capable of no more without giving in to the desire to scream.  
"Certainly Miss Hope," and I sighed in relief as the lighting came on to reveal the deep blue walls of my bedroom in the Avengers tower. "Your breathing patterns and body temperature are elevated Miss, my sensors detect that you were having a nightmare. Would you like me to call someone for you?"  
"No Jarvis, thank you though." I replied, managing to slow my breathing. "What time is it please?"  
"It is currently 2.45 Miss Hope, the living room is unoccupied would you like me to get it set up to your usual requirements?" Jarvis asked, his tone calm.  
"You're too good to me J, but I think I'll pass on that option. Not really in the mood for potential company right now." I pulled my legs out from under the covers and swung them over the edge of my bed. Sitting there, staring at nothing I tried to empty my head of the fear that I could still feel thrumming along my nerve endings. Lord knows how long I had been sitting there for when I was shifted out of my thoughts by the sound of my phone going off, lifting it up from my bedside cabinet I looked at the screen and saw that it was a message from James, asking if I was still up. Nope, I thought to myself, can't face anyone right now I just need a little time to clear my head. Choosing to ignore the message, letting James believe me to be asleep, I made my way over to my bathroom, thinking that a long hot shower was just what I needed.  
Pulling my t-shirt off over my head, I ran my fingers through my hair to get rid of the worst of the snarls before gathering it up into a messy bun, then dragging my sleep shorts off I checked the temperature of the shower before stepping under the spray. The water cascaded over my face for a moment before I turned and sighed as the pounding heat of the spray worked at the tense muscles of my back and shoulders. I realised my mistake then, whilst the warmth of the water was relaxing my muscles, my brain was free to do as it liked and of course it went straight back to my earlier nightmare. All my old insecurities came back to haunt me. My mother was right when she told me that I was a freak, that I was a monster. What the hell was I thinking of, starting up a relationship with someone, how could James ever love me when I was so clearly unworthy?  
The tears were flowing freely down my face, mingling with the water from the shower, I leant against the cold shower wall as my body was racked by sobs.  
"Miss Hope?" Jarvis called. It took several deep breaths before I was able to muster an answer.  
"Yes Jarvis, what is it?"  
"Dr Banner is outside requesting an entrance, what would you like me to do?" I sighed, knowing that now he was here there was no way I couldn't let him in. His sleeping habits were worse than mine, what if he was having a bad night? How could I turn him away?  
"J, please let him in. Tell him I'm in the shower and I'll be with him in ten minutes." I turned the temperature down on the shower, and stood under it trying to cool my flaming cheeks and erase the last 20 minutes of crying. Knowing that I couldn't leave Bruce waiting for too long I towelled off quickly, and dressing in a t-shirt and some sweats I went out to meet him. Bruce had settled himself in front of my bookcase, and was scanning the titles as I entered the room.  
"Hi Bruce, what brings you round at this hour?" I asked as I moved to stand next to him.  
"Well if I'm being honest, Jarvis contacted me as soon as you woke up." He replied, his eyes not leaving my books as he tried to hide his expression.  
"J? Why did you bother Bruce with my nightmare?" I yelled up at the ceiling as I tried to control my emotions at the thought of being so effectively spied on.  
"You were in distress Miss, and as you and Dr Banner are friends I thought I should let him know."  
"I don't know what to say Jarvis, I'm so not happy with the breach of privacy!" Bruce rested his hand on my forearm as I finished ranting at the AI.  
"It's part of your therapy Hope, if ever Jarvis believes you to be in need of assistance and you refuse it he is to notify me or your therapist. At least for the first few months of the process. I'm sorry that you find it to be so intrusive, but it's only because we are worried about you." He said, as he took me by the hand and sat us down on the sofa. "Something's bothering you, you've been crying haven't you?"  
"Oh god Bruce I didn't want to bother anybody with this," I sobbed out. "It was just my stupid nightmare again, I couldn't shake it off this time I don't know why."  
"Most likely because you didn't do the things which you would normally do in this situation, you didn't do your meditation, you didn't seek out company or something to distract you from what was going through your head. Do you know what this tells me?" He replied, pulling me into his side and wrapping an arm around my shoulders.  
"What's that Bruce?"  
"That perhaps you're a little down anyway, which is why you didn't reach for your coping strategies like you normally would. Does that sound about right?" He asked me, his tone soothing.  
"I've been doing so well, I guess I wanted that to still be the case and I just didn't want to give in to it. Delusional party of one huh?" I said, as I curled into the warmth that was emanating from him.  
"Not at all, you know that there are ups and downs to any recovery process Hope. And you have been doing brilliantly, the occasional bad day is nothing to be concerned about I promise."  
"You're right Bruce, I know you're right. It's just when I get like this I can't always see things as they are. The depression twists things, distorts them, the way I see the world, the way I see myself." I dried what was left of my tears and sat up from him. "Thank you for checking on me Bruce, I appreciate the thought. And I'm sorry for snapping at you J. I know you were just looking out for me."  
"To err is human; to forgive, divine Miss Hope."  
"Then you are a god J," I said with a small smile "I think I'm going to head down to the living room and watch some Netflix, do you wanna join me Bruce?"  
"I think if you don't mind I will pass, but I saw a certain ex-assassin in the kitchen on my way up here. I'm sure he would be delighted to join you." He replied, standing up and making his way over to my door.  
"Jeez you're such an old woman with the matchmaking Bruce," I replied with a little of my usual snark. "Hold on and I'll ride the elevator with you." And stepping over I pulled on my UGGs and followed him out the door, closing it behind me. Linking my arm through his we made our way to the elevator at the end of my corridor.  
"Do you mind dropping me off before you disappear back into the depths of your lab Bruce?"  
"I wouldn't consider doing anything else Hope," he said giving my arm a gentle squeeze as he hit the button for my floor. When the elevator doors opened to let me out, I kissed him on the cheek and stepped out into the corridor, walking over towards the kitchen I could hear a soft humming letting me know that my favourite super-soldier was still in there.  
"Hey soldier, what you still doing up?" I called out as I walked into the kitchen. Bucky looked up from where he was making a mammoth sandwich and smiled as he saw me.  
"I could ask you the same question doll, everything ok?" He asked, walking towards me. I met him halfway across the kitchen and just wrapped my arms around his waist holding him close, having to remind myself that I had every right to seek comfort from him, that I was worthy of his attentions. He just wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and planting a gentle kiss to my forehead waited for me to speak.  
"Bad dreams James, having a bad day." I mumbled into his chest, thankfully his heightened senses meant that he could hear me still. "Do you mind if I hang out with you for a bit?"  
"Doll, of course I don't mind, I love having you around." He stepped back from me, took me by the hand and led me around the kitchen island to where he was making his sandwich. Taking me by the waist, he lifted me up until I was seated on the island itself, he planted a lingering chaste kiss on my lips before going back to his sandwich. "So what were you thinking of doing?"  
"Cuddling up on the sofa and watching Netflix until the sun comes up? Or until I fall asleep, whichever comes first." I replied after a moments pause during which my fingers were tracing over my lips, thrilled at the feeling of his kiss  
"Sounds like a plan to me, can I make you a sandwich doll?"  
"No thanks handsome," I said hopping down from the counter. "I'm going to make some tea though, can I tempt you?"  
"With so many things doll," he smirked. "Just not tea I'm afraid.  
"James, thank you for doing this for me." I said as I stopped by him and took his metal hand in both of mine. He looked down at me with a question on his handsome face. "I shouldn't be alone right now if I'm being brutally honest."  
"If I had my way I wouldn't leave you alone ever again darlin', and it is my pleasure to spend time with you." He replied softly, giving my hands a squeeze. "Now go on and make your tea, I'll take this through and grab a blanket for us, alright?"  
It wasn't long before we were settled on the sofa in the Avengers lounge, Bucky had his legs resting on the coffee table (sandwich long since dealt with) and my legs were tucked up beneath me curled up into his side. The blanket we were sharing meant that I was toasty warm, and the feeling of his arm around me, the sound of his heart beating beneath my ear all served as reminders that I was not alone in this.  
"Do you want to tell me what you dreamed about doll?" He asked, planting a kiss at my hairline.  
"It was my mom, there was this cupboard that she shut me into whenever I had misbehaved, as a punishment. She had locked me in there again, but no matter how many times I teleported out I couldn't escape her. But I could smell her, the rotten scent of her as she opened the door to get me out for the second part of my punishment." I whispered, shuddering as I remembered the dread that had accompanied the dream. I could feel James stiffening beside me. "Thankfully I woke up at that point. I know it doesn't compare to what you've been through, and it could have been so much worse for me, but she still has this power over me. I can't explain it really."  
"C'mere doll," he said pulling me towards him until I was sat on his lap. Tilting my head up so that I met his gaze he continued speaking. "Your Ma abused you, she was the monster in your house. No matter what I went through afterwards at least I know that my parents loved me, that they would back me no matter what. You never had that, that foundation beneath you. The fact that you have come so far, and achieved so much only makes me care about you more. And if I could go back in time and save you from that I would do darlin', no one deserves a start like that."  
"I'm sure I must have said this before James," I said to him, not able to hide the sniffle in my voice or the tears forming in my eyes. "I have no idea how I managed to get myself such a wise boyfriend, but I can't express how happy I am to have you."  
"Well, this is what you get with the 90 year old boyfriend package doll," he snarked trying to lighten the mood. "All this hotness, and the wisdom that only comes from years of experience."  
"Lucky lucky me," I whispered settling myself more comfortably against his chest. Barely stifling a yawn, I couldn't hide the tiredness brought on by my disturbed night. "Think I'm sleepy now James."  
"Then sleep gorgeous, here let's stretch out." And standing up with me in his arms he pulled the blanket out from between us, draping it over the back of the couch he sat down and stretched out holding his arms open for me to join him. I kicked off my slippers and lay down in front of him, burrowing in as close as I could as he pulled the blanket down over us both and tucked me in against his chest.  
"I've got you sweetheart, not going anywhere. So sleep," he said kissing me gently as I raised my lips to his.  
"Night handsome, love you." Bucky stiffened again at my words, huffing out a sigh against my hair before replying.  
"I love you too Hope, now sleep."  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was done in a bit of a rush, but I wanted to get something posted as I've left it so long since the last chapter. Let me know what you think, if there's anything you would like changed. I love hearing from you x


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first attempt at smut, be warned it could be shite.

"Shit they're waking up!" I heard someone whisper before breaking off into a laugh. I opened my eyes and lifting my head to look behind the couch I caught sight of Barton's back as he scurried off through the kitchen door.  
"I'm so not awake enough to deal with this bollocks," I whispered, in two minds as to whether or not to wake the still sleeping James. He looked so peaceful it seemed a shame to have to wake him up, but I didn't want to leave him vulnerable to Clint and whoever his villainous compatriot might turn out to be. Lowering my head once more I closed my eyes and kissed Bucky lingeringly until I felt him wake up beneath me. I didn't hold back the wattage on my smile as he opened up his eyes "Morning handsome."  
"Hmmmm, morning Hope. Not that I'm complaining about your methods, but why did you wake me up?" He asked, the small confused smile on his face making his sleepy countenance all the cuter. His fingers were stroking up and down my arms making me want nothing more than to go back to kissing him and forget all about my rude awakening.  
"I'm afraid we have company, and I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure that Clint has been taking pictures. So I figured I would go and torture the truth out of him whilst you grabbed us some coffee. Divide and conquer, that kind of a deal?"  
"Sounds good to me sweetheart, I might need fortifying before I head off on such an epic mission though. C'mere," and with a gentle tug he pulled me back down onto his chest. His hand slid up into my hair as he kissed me, my lips parting on a gasp was all the invitation he needed to plunder my mouth with his tongue. By the time we parted, I had my hand underneath the bottom of his shirt stroking the bare skin of his back and James' hand was perilously close to my breast, we were both of us breathing heavily and the evidence of James' arousal was pressing hotly against my centre. "I love you Hope."  
"Do you want to take this conversation somewhere more private James? Just say the word and I can have us out of here in a second."  
James looked up at me from his prone position on the couch, the heat that flared in his eyes at my suggestion was almost enough of an answer but I still wanted him to say it out loud. I needed to hear the words.  
"Are you sure Hope?" He replied breathily, he knew exactly what I was asking him. I didn't even bother replying, just licked at his lips until they parted to grant me entry to the warm depths of his mouth and tangled my tongue with his.  
"Does that answer your question," I whispered close to his ear as we broke apart for air, my eyes blazing. "I want you James, I want this. God I need to feel your skin under my fingers, I want to taste all of you. I want to watch as you come apart for me and I don't want to have to wait any longer. So the only real question is, your place or mine?"  
"Mine Hope," he replied. I smiled at his possessive tone, kissing him again as I gathered my power around us and ported us straight on top of his bed.  
"Open your eyes soldier." He looked up at me and the heat in his gaze damn near took my breath away, he looked away to take in his surroundings.  
"Always being one teleport away from privacy huh? We're gonna enjoy that gift of yours. So, shall we pick up where we left off sweetheart?" He asked, returning his heated gaze to my face, he must have noticed the flush on my cheeks, the way that my breathing had sped up.  
"We really should," I replied pausing only briefly before lowering my head and capturing his lips in another lingering embrace. "I love you too James."  
He flipped us and I found myself on my back with James sprawled along my side.  
"Not going to get tired of hearing that anytime soon." He said as he kissed his way from my ear, down my neck to my collarbone. "Now it's been a while since I've done this but I'm pretty sure that you are wearing too many clothes doll. What do you suppose we should do about that?"  
"How about I show you James, lead the way as it were until you're back up to speed?" I replied as I coaxed his face back to mine for a kiss whilst lowering the zip on his hoodie and pushing it down his shoulders. His left arm was cool to the touch to start off with, his right being so much warmer the contrast was delicious and I couldn't stop myself from thinking about what those cool fingers would feel like stroking their way inside me.  
"Hmm," he murmured appreciatively into my mouth. "You know what it's all coming back to me." And he moved down to the bottom of the bed, and whilst my lips felt bereft at the loss my pulse sped up as he lifted one foot and removed my sock, lowering my foot to the bed before starting on the other. Placing a small kiss against my ankle he ran his hands up and down the back of my legs, stroking where he found the sensitive spots behind my knees.  
"What do you say Hope, I think it's time these came off?" He asked, tugging gently at my baggy sweatpants.  
"Aye aye Sergeant," he smiled wolfishly at me then. Tucking his fingers into the waistband he coaxed them down over my ass, and then stroked them down my legs leaving me in a t-shirt and a pair of panties which left very little to the imagination. Lifting myself up so that I was pressed against him from chest to thigh I kissed him again, running my hands up the back of his shirt and stroking the length of his spine as his hands spanned my waist holding me closer. The kiss grew more heated and I didn't bother attempting to hold back the moans that were issuing from my throat as James' hands became more adventurous, stroking their way up my back as he lifted my t-shirt over my head and threw it into a corner of his room.  
"So gorgeous Hope, just so goddamn sexy." He lowered his mouth to kiss along my collarbone before trailing his lips down to circle my newly exposed breast. I gasped as he brushed against the sensitive underside with his lips, and moaned in absolute delight when he took my nipple into his mouth and suckled on it, kneading at my other breast with his left hand, the contrast in temperature between the warmth of his mouth and the cool touch of his hand making the sensations incredible.  
"More, please James, more." I uttered on a gasp as he lowered me back against his pillows, my hands reaching out to pull him with me, greedy for whatever skin I could reach.  
"Easy sweetheart, I want to make this good for you." He replied, licking at my lips before they parted to grant him entry to my mouth and his tongue stroked across mine. His hands were still busy, stroking, kneading and pinching at my breasts and ass and I could feel the sensations start to build in the pit of stomach. I clenched my legs together trying to get some friction where I was most needy for it, and James pushed them gently apart before running his hand up and down my inner thighs. Stroking up one side and down the other, but never where my flesh burned for him. I bucked my hips in an attempt to get his attention and he pulled away from my mouth with a chuckle.  
"You seem to be in some discomfort doll, let me see what I can do to help." He kissed my lips greedily, but briefly, as he then stroked kissed and nipped his way down the length of my body. The softness of his lips, the slight sting from his stubble, all of it leaving a trail of fire in his wake as he manoeuvred his way down to where my legs remained parted, desperate for his touch. He tormented me by running just the tips of his fingers along my skin where my thighs met my pussy, I couldn't stop my hips from bucking up beneath his touch that was close, so close, but still not where I needed him most.  
"I'm afraid these are going to have to go doll," he said, ignoring my movements as he shifted to run his thumbs under the waistband of my underwear.  
"Please god yes!" I begged, raising my hips off the bed to assist him once again. My panties had gone the way of my sweats when James turned his attention back to me, I resisted the urge to cover myself as I lay there naked and spread out before him, my chest heaving with the arousal that had quickly mounted under his ministrations. I could feel myself getting wetter as his gaze turned predatory and he kissed his way up my legs to where my core was dripping with need for his touch. "James," I breathed out on a moan.  
"Don't worry sweetheart I'm going to take care of you," he replied whispering. He lay down between my legs, and bending his head he licked his way up my pussy before kissing and suckling at my clit. I keened at the sensation, my hips rising involuntarily from the bed. James chuckled heatedly before placing a hand on my hips to hold me still and continued his licking, dipping his tongue into my cunt before moving up and licking at my clit once again.  
"Mmm, James yes, god yes! More, please I need to feel you inside." Taking me at my word he lifted his mouth to my clitoris, licking and sucking at it as he inserted two fingers into my dripping heat, achingly slow. "Fuck! Yes, just like that James please!" He made a come hither motion with his fingers, stroking at the sensitive front wall of my vagina and I tried once again to lift my hips closer. "Oh god James, I'm coming! Oh god I'm coming!"  
He continued the assault on my pussy until I screamed his name, the walls of my vagina clenching rhythmically around his fingers. I panted whilst trying to regain control of my thundering heartbeat.  
"I knew it would all come back to me," James chuckled as he slid up the bed towards me, licking my essence off his fingers with a damn proud grin on his face. He caught sight of my stunned expression and frowned worriedly down at me. "Hope, sweetheart you ok?"  
"It's gonna take me a sec for my brain cells to realign after that one Buck." I replied. He laughed at my response, and all I could think was that I needed to be kissing him. I lifted my hand to cup his cheek and raised my lips to his, I could still taste myself on his tongue. Knowing that I was far from ready for this encounter to be over I wrapped my leg around his hips and used my forward momentum to flip him so that he was on his back in the middle of the bed. "God James, that was incredible. But we now have a huge problem."  
"Yeah, and what might that be sweetheart?" he asked. His hands massaging at my hips as I settled myself over him.  
"Thinking about it we actually have two," I replied leaning down to suck at the pulse point on his neck and smiling as his hands tightened slightly. "Number one, you are wearing far too many clothes."  
"Yeah? And what's number two sweetheart?" He asked, bucking his hips up underneath me."  
"You seem to be suffering from a severe case of 'not having come yet'. But I think I can help you out with both of those." I smiled down at him, and taking a deep breath I ported all his clothes off his body and dumped them five feet to the right of us so they landed in a Bucky shaped outline on the floor. This was almost my undoing as I could now feel the heat of his erection pulsing against me, so close to where I needed him to be, I found myself rocking my hips up and down his length in an unconscious move to get him closer. "Now please tell me that you have a fully stocked nightstand, because I can't wait too much longer to feel you inside me."  
"Condoms are in the top drawer sweetheart." He replied, groaning as I swung myself off him to grab the protection. Opening the drawer I found what I was looking for and I moved down the bed slightly so I could reach his erection, now I had felt the impressive length of him through his clothes on a couple of occasions but nothing prepared me for the sight before me. He was perfect, long and thick and just slightly curved. I wanted to kneel before him and perform an act of worship that would probably frowned upon by most religions, but the need to feel him inside me was too strong. I placed a sucking kiss where his erection jutted out proudly from his body and made swift work of rolling the condom down his length.  
"I'm not sure how long I'm going to be able to last sweetheart," James said as I straddled his hips again. "It's been a while for me."  
I leaned forward so that I could kiss the worried look off his face and felt his cock jerk between my legs.  
"Listen up handsome, you have already made me come screaming your name so anything now is just a bonus. This one is all about you." I pressed my body closer to his, I could feel the press of his hard muscles against my breasts and I pulled on his earlobe with my teeth before continuing in a whisper. "However, between you and me, the way you've got me feeling right now it wouldn't take much to have me screaming your name again."  
I sat back up, and kneeling above his hips I positioned his cock against my pussy before sinking down, James' sharp intake of breath sounding as his impressive girth stretched my pussy walls before bottoming out with my ass resting once again on his thighs.  
"Fuck Hope, you're so tight." James voice sounded strained as his surged up against me, wrapping his arms around me and capturing my lips in a heated kiss, his tongue thrusting into my mouth as I started rising and falling on his beautiful cock. He started thrusting upwards as I slid back down on his erection, our kisses only stopping as the need for oxygen overwhelmed our desire. I could feel the fire starting again in the pit of my stomach and knew that it wouldn't be long before I came again, I started slamming my hips down in time to James' thrusts up and the angle at which we were moving meant that my clit was stimulated with each downward stroke.  
"James, you feel so good inside me!" I cried out as he bit gently at my nipple and I crashed headlong into another orgasm. "Oh god James!"  
I could feel my inner muscles clenching around him and he paused, kissing at my neck and collarbone as he held me close and waited for the aftershocks to pass.  
"What do you reckon sweetheart, you got another one in you?" He asked, flipping us so that I was on the bed beneath him, keeping himself buried inside me to the hilt.  
"Anything for you handsome, you might have to do all the heavy lifting on this one though. I can't feel my legs yet!" I replied, a little of my usual snark coming through despite my brain having been scrambled by another mind blowing orgasm. James lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me passionately as he rolled his hips, almost pulling all the way out of me before thrusting back with a gentle snap. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he steadily built up the rhythm, reaching down between us and rubbing circles around my clit, that was enough to send me over the edge again and this time James came with me.  
"God Hope!" He cried, stilling above me as my inner muscles clenched around him, holding him inside me as he rode out the wave of his own orgasm. He collapsed on top of me, his head pillowed against my chest and I reached up to stroke across his shoulders and down his back as his breathing slowly returned to normal. Lifting himself up so that he was resting his weight on his arms he kissed me lingeringly on the mouth before pulling his now softening cock out from where we were still joined.  
"I'll be right back sweetheart," he said, rising from the bed and heading off to the bathroom to deal with the condom. I closed my eyes and stretched out on the bed, feeling a delicious ache between my legs and a pull on some of my more intimate muscles. Looking up to see James leaning against the doorframe with a grin on his handsome face, I couldn't hide the blush as I held out my hand to beckon him back to bed.  
"That stretch is definitely something you should do naked more often Hope," he replied as he took my hand and lowered himself to the bed beside me. Pulling me in closer and dragging the covers over our rapidly cooling skin.  
"So naked yoga is gonna be a thing now huh?" I replied, tucking my head in against his neck as I wrapped my arm around his waist. I could feel his chuckle rumble beneath me.  
"Only with me sweetheart, I don't particularly want anyone else becoming aware of your talents."  
"Fair enough handsome, so was it as good as you remembered?" I asked, waiting somewhat anxiously for his response.  
"Better, Hope. So much better." He replied, planting a gentle kiss to my hair.  
"S'good to hear James," I sighed. Relief flooded through me at his easy reply.  
"Did you have any doubt that it would be?" James asked, his arms tightening around me. I turned in his arms so that I could face him, resting my chin on his chest.  
"Cards on the table?" I asked, sighing as he nodded quickly in response. I ducked my head down to avoid the intensity of his startlingly blue gaze. "I've never done this with someone I've been in love with. I wasn't entirely sure I knew how to."  
"Hope, look at me sweetheart." He said, and waited patiently for me to raise my head again. "I've never loved anyone the way that I love you, you're not alone in that. And what we just shared, all of what we just shared was incredible." I lowered my head and placed a kiss over his heart before resting my head on his shoulder.  
"I love you James, and just as soon as I've had a snooze I think we can try for breathtaking." I whispered, feeling his heartbeat slow beneath my ear as my breathing slowed too and we drifted off into the arms of Hypnos.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hypnos is the god of sleep according to the ancient Greeks.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More smut, and limits and consent are discussed. Mentions of loss and bereavement towards the end.  
> 

"Mmmmm," I moaned as I came awake to the feeling of fingers gently stroking across my lower back. "So on a scale of one to ten how gross and sticky do you feel right now? One being not at all, and ten being that you really want to be on the opposite side of the bed to me?"  
"Probably about a five? We did work up quite a sweat," Bucky replied with a gentle rumbling laugh. "But aint nowhere I'd rather be doll."  
"Is the right answer," I smiled up at him leaning forward to kiss his sweetly smiling mouth. "What I was actually getting at was how long can we cuddle here before we need to make our way to the shower handsome?"  
"Oh a good while yet I reckon," he said as he held me close. I was laying half on top of him, and having his arms around me was the sweetest feeling in the world. "But now that you've mentioned it I'm intrigued as to what a shower where we're both naked would be like."  
"I'm sure that I can make it worth your while soldier." I whispered back with a wicked grin, thinking about all the things we had yet to explore about each other's bodies. "In fact, there's something that I've wanted to do to you for a long time now, but the idea popped into my head again earlier this morning."  
"Really, and just what might that be?"  
I wasted no time in showing him. Raising myself up until I was straddling his hips, I lowered my body closer until the tips of my breasts were brushing against his chest. Smiling at him I pressed myself closer so that I could capture his lips with my own, James was catching up by this point and his hands were stroking and grasping at my hips as he rubbed himself against me.  
"We should probably have talked about this before, but if you're uncomfortable with anything that I'm doing then you need to tell me to stop." I said, as I kissed my way down his jaw to place a lovebite at the base of his neck. I paused in my ministrations and placed my hands on his shoulders and met his gaze so he knew the seriousness of what I was saying. "It's quite common to use a traffic light system for this, green for go, yellow for slow down and red for stop. Does that sound ok?"  
"I can't imagine doing anything with you that would make me uncomfortable doll, but it does sound like a good idea." He replied looking at me thoughtfully through the haze of desire that had both of us in it's grasp.  
"Good, so where we at right now?" I asked, moving my hips back and fore rubbing my wet slit up and down the length of his erection beneath me.  
"Green doll, so green." He uttered on a gasp.  
"Then I'll continue," I smiled back down at him and went back to kissing his neck. I knew exactly where I wanted to go and kissed my way down to where his metal arm met his shoulders, placing sucking kisses to the scar tissue that was still angry and red.  
"Doll," he gasped out again. "You don't have to do that."  
"Colour James," I asked as I gentled my caress against his damaged skin.  
"Still green doll, but..........."  
"This is a part of you James, you survived this and you needn't be ashamed of it. Not with me, not with anybody." I replied looking into his eyes as he stilled beneath me. I smiled as he nodded in response and continued on with my earlier journey, kissing and stroking at his battle scarred skin until I reached my goal. I placed a kiss at the base of his beautiful cock. Smiling at his sharp intake of breath I started licking and sucking at his hard length before taking the head of his cock and sucking it gently into my mouth.  
"Fuck, doll!" He breathed out, his hips bucking up towards where my warm mouth was waiting to accept him. I stroked the length of him that I couldn't fit into my mouth and increased the suction, moving my tongue around him as I jerked him off into my mouth. His hands were fisting in the sheets and I could feel his balls tensing as he was getting closer to completion. "I'm gonna come doll, gonna ahhhh fuck!"  
He came spurting into my mouth, and I savoured the bittersweet taste of him before swallowing him down, I could feel his tense muscles relax beneath me and released him from my mouth. Moving up the bed so that I was lying alongside him once again, I smiled as he caught the back of my head and dragged me down for a hot and very dirty kiss.  
"That doll, is a very talented mouth you've got." He said, as I grinned at him before laying my head against his shoulder.  
"Why thank you James, that's very kind of you to say."  
"Credit where it's due sweetheart. But now I think it's definitely time for that shower." He pulled his arm out from underneath me and he leapt out of bed, I was all ready to glare at him but then his arms came underneath me to pull me up against his chest. Wrapping my legs around his waist I didn't bother to hide my grin at his manoeuvre, and kissed him soundly as we made our way over to his bathroom.  
"Shit, what about Steve!" I asked, suddenly thinking about our very naked selves wandering around their apartment.  
"He's not here doll, don't worry about it," Bucky replied kissing his way down my throat.  
"That's good to hear," I captured his lips with mine once again. We then proceeded to get clean, dirty and clean once again. Testing the limits of Avenger's tower hot water and the strength of Bucky's leg muscles.  
Emerging from the bathroom a good hour later, I held the fluffy white towel close around me as Bucky guided me back towards his bedroom.  
"Hey Buck, you been working out without me? It's not like you to shower in the middle of the day. " Steve's voice came from behind us and we both stiffened at the sound. I was apparently not visible from my position in front of James, and I could feel him waiting for my cue as to whether we were going to come clean to Steve.  
Taking a deep breath I turned around in front of Bucky, and still using the bulk of him to hide the bare expanses of my skin from Steve's gaze I looked around his shoulder and smiled bashfully at the super-soldier.  
"Hi Steve." His face was a picture as his expression went from blushing shock to delight.  
"Hope! I totally didn't see you there." He replied quickly, not bothering to hide his happiness at the sight of us together. "How you doing?"  
"Jeez punk really? You're gonna ask her that right now?" Bucky said, exasperated at his friend's distinct lack of sense. "You could head back down the hallway like a gent and let us get back to my room in peace."  
"Yeah, sure, sorry." He said, stumbling over the words as his glee turned back to embarrassment. Turning on his heel he walked swiftly back to the living room as we made a break for the safety of Bucky's room.  
We almost fell through the door, Bucky slamming it behind him and leaning back on the solid wood. I turned and looked up at him and burst out laughing, a second passed before he joined in and pulled me back into his arms. He placed a kiss against my forehead before his arms came around my back to hold me against him.  
"Jeez doll, I'm sorry. That idiot has like the worst timing." James said, his hands stroking up and down my towel clad back.  
"S'ok James, it could have been worse." I replied, resting my hands on his chest and looking up at him. "He could have come in during!"  
The only reply I got was a groan as he lowered his head to capture my mouth in a sweet kiss.  
"I guess I should be grateful for small mercies, huh sweetheart."  
"Damn straight," I grinned up at him. "What's the time anyway?"  
"A little after four doll, why?" James replied after a glance at his bedside clock.  
"Shit, I need to get going." I said leaning up to kiss James quickly before moving out of his arms.  
"What you got better plans doll?" James asked, moving away from the door.  
"It's Tony's big party tonight James, and I've got to go get ready. You're still coming right?" I asked, pausing in the act of gathering up my clothes.  
"Sure I am, wild dogs couldn't keep me away doll. I was just hoping to spend some more time with you right now." He replied, moving to take me in his arms again.  
"I promise it won't be long before you see me like this again James," I smiled up at him before kissing him hungrily. "Let me leave you with a little something to keep you going til then."  
I backed out of his arms and turned my back to him, grinning at him over one shoulder I dropped my towel and enjoyed the hungry look that crossed his face before focussing my energy and porting myself up to my bedroom.  
It was about twenty seconds before my phone beeped with a single word message from James.  
"Mean."

Ever since I had spoken with Tony about my plans for a party with the rest of the team and some of our extended family, I had been working my wiles on the rest of the team to come along. Nat and Clint were already in, Bucky was taking care of Steve's invite, that left me with Jane, Thor, Darcy and Bruce. Bruce was of course the hardest of the four to convince, but after telling him my reasons he was more than happy to come along. The fact that it was going to be a select guest list of no more than thirty of us definitely helped.  
Tony hadn't thought it at all unreasonable that we have live music for the event, so it was no trouble at all to get my old band together for another performance, and I had spent my afternoon alternating between getting ready and texting them to make sure that they were getting set up in the common room ok. The party was to be dressy, and so I had spent an afternoon with Pepper and Nat picking out the perfect outfit. My dress was royal blue in colour, with a tight low-cut bodice and a knee length skirt that flared out from my hips. It was the work of moments to have my long hair pinned up in a knot low on the side of my head and I was just slipping my feet into my favourite black heels when there was a knock at my door. Taking one last appraising look in the mirror I took in a deep breath before moving to answer the door.  
Bucky was standing before me smartly dressed in a dark three piece suit, his hair tied back in his customary bun. He leaned against the door frame as his eyes raked me from head to toe.  
"Jesus doll, you look beautiful. You sure we need to go out tonight?" He asked, the look on his face turning hungry as he took in my appearance. I stepped up to him so that we were pressed together from chest to thigh, my heels putting us at the same height.  
"I seriously wish that we could just go back into my apartment, cos you are looking damn handsome yourself soldier. And the things that I want you to do to me would make Steve blush," I whispered, my lips catching against his ear. "But sadly it was my idea to have this party, and whilst I doubt that Tony would let my absence stop the fun I'm pretty sure that I should show up."  
"Fuck it, you're right. You ready for this?" He asked, taking my hand as we moved towards the elevator at the end of the hall.  
"To be honest I'm not entirely sure, I don't think I know quite what I've let myself in for." I had decided that the best way for me to tell the team about my past as a singer was in fact to give them a performance. "But we had a couple of hours practice this week and I think we're still sounding good."  
"Well I know you sound good doll, I've got the evidence recorded on my phone." James replied giving my hand a gentle squeeze.  
I smiled up at him, and wrapping my arm around his we stepped into the elevator. The ride was a short one and we were soon stepping out into the common living space which had been transformed with a stage in one corner and a dance floor set up before it. Everyone was there before us, and I could hear the band playing background music as they waited for me to get there and begin the show. Most of the team had settled themselves onto the sofas arranged in the middle of the room and I waved a greeting before turning back to James.  
"This is it, wish me luck," I said smiling nervously up at him.  
"You don't need it doll, you've got talent instead." He replied, returning my grin with one of his own as his hands stroked reassuringly up and down my arms. "Anyway, if it gets too much for you you can always teleport out of here."  
He smirked at me at this last comment, but I kissed the grin off his lips before turning away and walking over to have a quick chat with my band before we got started. I turned around to the mike, and saw that Steve, Nat and Bruce had all turned to look at my position with interest. I gave a signal to the band for them to stop playing.  
"Hi guys, thanks to everybody for coming, and for Tony arranging this for us at such short notice." I paused to let the brief outburst of applause die down. "So I guess you're wondering what I'm doing up here, well I wanted to say thank you for the last year for your welcome into our wonderful little family . And I figured the best way for me to do that would be to provide the entertainment for part of this evening, so this is my old band, and I hope you enjoy."  
I turned to them and counted them in, the opening bars of the song filled the room and turned back to the microphone waiting for my cue.

"Now you say you're lonely,  
You cried the whole night through.  
Well you can cry me a river,  
Cry me a river.  
I cried a river over you."

The band behind me were giving it their all, the music twining with the sound of my voice to create a web that was drawing my friends to their feet and the dance floor in front of me. The song came to an end and there was a break for applause. I looked over to where James was standing with Steve, both of them leaning against the bar smiling over at me. I returned the smile as the guys in the band started up the next tune. 

"At last, my love has come along,  
My lonely days are over,  
And life is like a song.  
Oh yeah, yeah.  
At last, the skies above are blue.  
My heart was wrapped up in clover.  
The night that I looked at you.

I've found a dream that I could speak to,  
A dream that I can call my own.  
I found a thrill that I can rest my cheek to,  
A thrill that I can call my own."

I had decided that we needed to speed things up a little at this point, and so once I had finished with my rendition of Ella Fitzgerald's 'At Last' the band paused for the applause to die down before starting up a swing version of Christina Aguilera's Candyman. I was delighted as Darcy and Jane took to the floor before me, knowing that Darcy was a big fan of swing dance I knew that this one would appeal to her. It surprised me when Nat grabbed hold of Bruce's hand and pulled him out to join in, but he seemed to be holding his own. And when the song came to an end, the dance floor was pretty crowded, and they all paused, breathless after their exertions, to clap.  
"Thanks guys, thank you so much. Now I've just one more song before letting my much more talented counterpart take over for the rest of the night," I said into the mike, turning to motion to the band's current lead singer who was graciously singing back-up for me. "And this one is a bit different to what we've done so far, but it means a lot to me." I looked up to meet Bucky's gaze at the bar. "And I promised the man I love that I would sing it for him one day, so here goes."

"Of all the money that ere I had,  
I spent it in good company.  
And all the trouble that ere I caused,  
Alas it was to none but me.  
And all I said, for want of wit.  
To memory now I can't recall.  
So fill to me the parting glass.  
Goodnight and joy be to you all.

Of all the comrades that ere I had,  
They're sorry for my going away.  
And all the sweethearts that ere I loved,  
They wish me one more day to stay.  
But since it fell to be my lot,  
That I should rise, and you should not.  
I'll gently rise, and softly call.  
Goodnight and joy and joy be to you all.

And since it fell into my lot,  
That I should rise and you should not.  
I'll gently rise and softly call,  
Goodnight and joy be to you all."

The last note of the song was falling away, looking around the rest of the guys their faces all sombre I knew that they had all lost people. This was a moment to remember them, the friends, loved ones who had fallen behind and we shared this moment together. The applause this time was different, it started from a gentle clap until it was roaring around us, a tidal wave of sound that was as much an act of remembrance as the peace that came before it.  
I turned to the band and bowed to them before making my way off the stage and around the edge of the room to where the team had congregated at the bar.  
"Hey Nightingale!" Tony called out as I neared the group. I raised my eyebrows at Darcy who was standing closest to me.  
"He's decided it's your superhero name, and I kinda agree. You have an amazing voice." She replied, pulling me into a hug.  
"Thank you Darce," I said hugging her back. And I looked up to see that James was standing behind her, and I smiled down at Darcy as I moved out of her arms and took James' hand before moving back to the dance floor. The band had kept with the slower tempo, and I turned into his arms and holding him close we started swaying to the beat.  
"Did I ruin the mood?" I asked breaking the comfortable silence that we had fallen into.  
"No doll, it was beautiful. I think a lot of people here can relate to the song though. Thank you for singing it for me." He replied, placing a kiss onto my hair. The mood of the song had affected me too, the mournful tone and the memories of my father that it evoked had left me feeling gloomy.  
"Do you mind if we just stay here, like this James? Would you mind just holding me?" I asked, moving my head from where it rested on his shoulder so that I could look into his eyes .  
"Never doll," and he pressed his lips to mine. My eyes fluttered closed at the gentle pressure that started as comfort, but had soon turned hotter, the desire building in us once again.  
"Do you think anyone would notice if we left now?" I asked, breaking away with a moan.  
"I'm pretty sure that they all would doll, not sure that we should let that stop us." He replied as he nibbled his way down my neck.  
"Fuck it, I need you. And I'm pretty sure that I don't care if they all know it." I said, grinding my hips into his. "C'mon, let's get out of here."  
And taking his hand once again we made our way over to the elevator, smiling and nodding at the people offering their thanks for my earlier performance but effectively dodging them in our single minded rush to get closer once again. As soon as the elevator doors closed James had me pressed against the wall, one stocking clad leg pulled up around his waist as his lips came crashing down on mine. My stop couldn't come fast enough, I could feel James' hardened length pressing against me through the layers of my skirts as our lips crashed together and our hands roamed over clothed flesh. If we waited only until the door of my apartment was closed before James had me pressed against it, a condom on and my underwear pushed to one side to thrust up inside where I was ready and wet for him, then we sure as shit weren't going to tell anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to hear what the music in this chapter sounds like in my head, then just use the links below (I am a dunce and don't know how to insert these as hyperlinks, so if anyone would like to enlighten me great)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yopNkcDzQQw
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-cbOl96RFM
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhJp0W0ku2w


	17. Chapter 17

"Morning Hope." Bruce said as he rounded the kitchen island towards the kettle. "Or should that be 'Nightingale'?"  
I looked up from where I was staring blearily into my second cup of coffee, the caffeine was not kicking in quickly enough for my liking and I hadn't gotten enough sleep the previous night.  
"I'm never living that down huh?" I muttered, raising the steaming mug to my lips and taking another sip.  
"I don't think so no," he replied as he emptied the contents of the hot kettle into a teapot. "But then it is an apt description of your skills, you do have a beautiful singing voice."  
"Thank you Bruce, that's very kind of you to say. However I think I'd be the first mutant to get a nickname that has absolutely nothing to do with their extra abilities." I snarked as he came to sit opposite me with. "I just don't think I've got the heart to break that to Tony."  
"Give him a couple of days to enjoy it at least," Bruce said raising his own mug to take a mouthful.  
"I'll see what I can do, of course if he pisses me off over the next 48 hours I can't be held responsible for running my mouth off." I grinned at him over the edge of my mug.  
Bruce returned my smile before raising his head and nodding a greeting at someone over my shoulder. Seconds later I felt a warm presence at my back and my smile turned up a few hundred degrees as a cold vibranium arm came around my waist.  
"Morning Sarge." I said, tilting my head up for a kiss. I was rewarded with a lingering embrace before we broke apart and he was smiling down at me, his hair still slightly mussed from sleep and his pyjama pants and t-shirt combo only adding to his adorableness.  
"Mornin' doll, Bruce," he turned a smile upon my companion before looking back at me. "Missed you this morning."  
"Sorry handsome, but this is where the coffee lives." I said raising my mug in a salute. "Well that and I wanted a chance to talk to Bruce before he went down to bury himself in a lab."  
"Really? Why what's on your mind Hope?" Bruce asked, setting down his mug to look over at me with interest.  
"I need your help designing an experiment, I want to test out the range of my abilities to teleport but obviously I want to do so in the safest way possible. I don't want to injure myself in the process. I have a few ideas of what's the best way to go about this but I need your help, what do you think? Wanna loan me your big science brain for a while genius?"  
"Sure, why don't you come down to the lab this afternoon and we can discuss your plans then?" Bruce asked as he stood up from his stool and headed towards the kitchen door.  
"Thanks Bruce, I'll see you then." James came and sat down on the stool next to me, nursing his own cup of coffee, I turned in my seat so that we were face to face. "Hmmm, look at us. All alone. What do you say to a proper good morning?"  
He grinned at me, and curling his hand around my jaw and into my hair lowered his mouth to mine. It started out as a gentle press of the lips, but soon I had licked my way into his mouth and had my hands fisted in his shirt front as we both gave in to the desire stirring within.  
"That's better," I whispered as we broke apart. I nuzzled his nose whilst trying to catch my breath and slow the beating of my heart. "Now how about I get myself a refill and we go take this over to one of Tony's ridiculous sofas?"  
"Sounds good to me doll, you gonna fill me in on this little experiment of yours?"  
"Of course," I said as I got up and made my way over to the coffee pot. "I might need a little convincing though, hows your powers of persuasion?"  
"A little out of use doll, let's see if I remember." I felt his arms come around my waist and his lips press against 'that spot' on my neck, that one little spot that made my breath hitch and my knees week. "How am I doing?"  
I shifted around in his arms so that we were facing one another, resting my hands on his biceps I grinned up at him as his hands moved to stroke the small of my back.  
"Seems to me that you know what you're doing handsome, in fact....." I was interrupted by the sound of my cell phone ringing. James watched with interest as I removed it from my bra. "What? I don't have pockets in these pyjamas."  
Looking at the caller display I realised that it was my cousin Laura, whilst we spoke occasionally it was usually by text, we hadn't spoke on the phone in years.  
"Hi Laura, what's up? Everything ok?" Bucky stopped caressing my neck when he heard the concern in my voice.  
"I wouldn't have called, in fact my ma didn't want me to but I needed you to hear it from me and not some stranger."  
"What is it? What's happened?"  
"Your mother passed away last night Hope." She replied. I froze at her words, the pause went on entirely too long and it wasn't until James took my hand in his that I realised she was still waiting for a response.  
"Wow, ok. Thank you Laur, for calling to tell me."  
"Do you want me to let you know when the funeral is going to be?"  
"No, thank you. That won't be necessary. Oh how did she die?"  
"It was a heart attack, she went in her sleep." Laura replied, her tone colder now that I had openly acknowledged my lack of interest in attending my own mother's funeral service.  
"Right. Thank you for letting me know. Bye Laura." I hung up, and lowered the phone from my ear to look up at James standing worriedly before me. The phone slipped out of my nerveless grasp to land on the floor with a crack.  
"Hope, what's wrong? What's happened?" He asked, taking both my hands in his as I remained silent in front of him.  
"She's dead James, my mother is dead. I can't......" I couldn't finish the sentence I had no idea what I was feeling and what I was supposed to be feeling. My entire body felt numb. "What do I do? What am I supposed to do James?"  
"You've had a shock, c'mon lets go sit down." James took my hand and led me over to the sofa where he sat down before pulling me onto his lap.  
"She's gone. She's actually gone." I whispered as James rocked me back and forth in his arms.  
I couldn't tell you how long we sat there, James holding me securely in his arms whilst I clung onto him with all that I had in me. I felt him press a kiss against my forehead as he spoke and broke the silence which had wrapped itself around us.  
"How do you feel sweetheart?" I took a moment to try and take stock of what my body was telling me.  
"Tired? I think I'm tired. Can I go back to bed?" No sooner had I finished speaking than he was standing from the sofa with me in his arms, carrying me to the elevator, I wrapped my legs around his waist and dropped my head to his shoulder. "I don't really know how I'm supposed to feel James, I mean my mom is dead. Shouldn't I be sad or something?"  
"I think you're supposed to be feeling whatever it is that you're feeling doll, there's no right or wrong here." He replied, brushing a kiss against my forehead as he stepped out of the elevator and onto my floor. It felt like only seconds later that James was laying me down in my bed and pulling the covers up over me.  
"Sleep sweetheart, I'll be just down the hall if you need me." And placing a gentle kiss on my lips he left me to my sleep, leaving the door slightly ajar as he went.  



	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it folks, the last chapter.

The shower tiles were cold beneath my palms and in stark contrast to the heat of the water that was streaming over my shoulders and down my back. I'd woken from my nap feeling groggy and sticky, and just in general need of a refresh. I could hear quiet sounds coming from the tv in the other room letting me know that James was still here and was reassured by the knowledge, but wasn't quite ready to relinquish my solitude just yet. I turned the heat down on the shower and leaned back into the stream to rinse the conditioner out of my hair.  
I don't know if the knowledge of my mother's passing just hadn't quite assimilated yet, or if I had cut my ties with her so efficiently so long ago that there was nothing left of the love that I must have felt at some point. Whichever option was true in my case I was feeling calm as I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around me. I wiped the fog off the mirror and rested my palms on either side of the sink. Mirroring the pose that had led me to making one of the biggest changes to my life since running away from my abusive mom so many years ago. I smiled a little at my reflection as I took in the sight before me, gone were the dark circles under my eyes left by so many sleepless nights, the scars down my arms were still there yes, but they hadn't been joined by any fresh ones.  
And then of course there was James, the man who had stood by me throughout this recovery process. Who loved me and all of my jagged broken edges in spite of my belief that he couldn't possibly. The man who had suffered his own horrific trauma, and come out the other side of it relatively whole. A man who I had fallen head over heels for in a relatively short space of time even though I wasn't quite sure I knew how to love never mind how to let myself be loved!  
Thinking of him led to wanting to be close to him, and wrapping my hair up into a bun to dry later, I quickly pulled on a pair of sweats and a tank top before heading out to the living room.  
"Doll, hey how you doing?" James asked as he stood up from the sofa to come take me into a warm embrace. I couldn't help cuddling in closer to him, enjoying the smell of him, the heat that was emanating from his body, just everything that made him him.  
"I'm ok James, I actually really am. I'm not sure if this is it, perhaps I'll have a meltdown at some point but for now I'm ok." I replied leaning back to offer him a small smile, he lowered his head to place a kiss at the corner of my mouth, just a featherlight touch of his lips.  
"Well I guess we'll just have to wait and see won't we, but whatever you need I'm here for you doll." James replied pulling me in for another warming hug.  
"Thank you, that means so much to me handsome," I whispered back.  
"So what do you want to do right now doll, we can curl up with a movie, go see what the rest of the gang is doing?" He asked as we moved to sit on the sofa. He sat in the corner and I snuggled into his side, resting my head on his shoulder and releasing a small sigh as I revelled in his closeness.  
"I've been doing some thinking, I want to have a word with Steve about maybe taking some time off, going on a trip maybe." I felt James' muscles tighten at my words but thought nothing of it.  
"Are you sure doll?"  
"Yeah, I've been thinking about it for a while now. Road trip across the States, taking in all the sights that I never had time to see before. But now with my mother dying it just seems like the perfect time to get away, you know? Recharge a little." I said, turning my head to look up at him. His countenance was grim though, and I sat up to look at him better. "James? What do you think?"  
He seemed to give himself a little shake before turning to look over at me with a grim smile.  
"No Hope, you're right. Some time away from this place would probably do you the world of good." He said as he lifted his arm from around me and went to stand up. "Tell you what, I'll go find Steve and you can discuss this." James rose up from the sofa an moved quickly over to the door.  
"James, wait where are you going?" I called out as I stood, struggling to understand what was going on.  
He paused with his hand on the doorknob, and seemed to take a deep steadying breath before answering my question.  
"I'll grab Stevie and send him in doll, the sooner you get your plans sorted the better." And with that he left. There was a chill spreading outwards from my heart as I tried to understand the change in his behaviour.  
It was about fifteen minutes later, as I was seated exactly where Bucky had left me, when Steve burst in through the front door of my apartment looking saddened and confused.  
"Hope, hi you doing ok?" He asked as he came into my hallway.  
"I'm not doing too bad all things considered, look I wanted to talk to you about taking some time off but I'm a bit worried about Bucky right now. How did he look when you saw him?" I replied, rising from the sofa.  
"Heartbroken, but then I don't quite know how else he would look considering you're breaking up with him Hope." Steve said his blue eyes blazing with the knowledge that I'd devastated his best friend.  
"Sorry I'm what now?" I asked, disbelief painted on my face. Slowly realisation crept through my brain and I wanted more than anything to punch something. "I hate to break it to you Steve, but your best friend is an idiot."  
"I knew that already doll," he replied with a smirk. "Why this time?"  
"Look I wanted to let you know that I'll be taking a couple of months off just to get my head sorted after all that's gone on recently. I thought James and I could take a trip across the US together, but I think he may have gotten it into his head that I was planning on taking off without him and I should probably go and disabuse him of that knowledge." I barely stopped for breath and had to take a moment to let my lungs catch up with me, during which time Steve looked at me bemusedly.  
"That sounds like a brilliant plan to me doll, and I'm pretty sure Buck will agree when he hears it." He put his hand on my shoulder in I'm sure what was meant to be a comforting action but just seemed to galvanise me into movement. I couldn't let the idiot love of my life continue to think that I didn't want to be with him any longer.  
"I don't suppose you saw where he was going Steve?"  
"Up to the roof I think?" He said smiling down at me as he recognised the determination in my gaze.  
"I really love him Steve," I said quietly looking down at my feet.  
"I know doll, and I know he loves you. It's just he forgets sometimes that he deserves to be loved back." Steve replied pulling me into a hug. "You'll just have to remind him every now and again."  
"I will, every damn day if that's what it takes." I said stretching up to kiss Steve's cheek. "Gotta go." And taking a step back I grinned up at him before porting up to the roof in search of my wayward boyfriend.

James was sitting on the edge of the roof, legs dangling, eyes closed as the heat of the sun bore down upon him in what I would consider to be a blessing but to him probably felt like just the start of a hellish existence. I moved over towards him, making sure that he could hear my footsteps as I moved to sit on the ground next to him. He visibly stiffened at my approach, shoulders rolling over to try and make himself small, try and protect himself from the rejection that he felt sure was coming.  
"So I've just seen Steve." I said, as far as opening lines went I thought it was not quite getting my point across, but it could definitely lead somewhere. "And he agrees with my plans for us to take off for a bit." I settled back onto my hands and waited for that to sink in.  
"That's great news doll, I'm sure you'll enjoy the trip." Bucky replied, his voice low enough that I had to strain to hear it, but he apparently wasn't hearing me.  
"James would you look at me please," he lifted his head but still couldn't look at me. "James you ran out before I had a chance to explain."  
"It's ok doll," he interrupted with a sarcastic twist to his voice that I remembered and hated. "You don't have to explain anything to me, I understand. If you need the distance, the time I can get on board with that. And you know what I don't care if I should pretend like I'll have moved on or gotten over you by the time you get home, I don't care if that's the 'manly' thing to do because it's bullshit. I love you Hope." His voice was getting stronger, and he looked into my eyes as he took my hand in his. "I love you and I will wait for you."  
I burst into tears, the intensity of his gaze, his declaration of love even as he thought I was leaving him was heartbreaking. I scrambled up off the edge and waited until he followed and I could look him in the eye again.  
"James are you listening to me?" I asked around the tears that were still streaming down my cheeks, taking his metal hand in both of mine and moving it so that it lay over my heart. "Because I need to know that you hear what I'm saying to you."  
"I'm listening doll," he replied stepping towards me and wrapping his free hand around my waist.  
"Good. I love you James Buchanan Barnes." He opened his mouth as though to speak, and I stretched up to silence him with a brief kiss. "Shush, I'm not done speaking. Now when I said that I was planning on taking off I meant with you, I have no desire to be apart from you ever again. Not now that I've found you. I love you when I never thought that I could love anybody, I thought I was too broken, that I had built the walls too high and then there you were. And you found your way through, before I knew it you were knocking to be let in and my heart just screamed yes! and threw open the doors! And if I have to tell you that everyday so that you get it I will, because I need you to know how incredible you are." I was silenced at this point by James' lips crashing down on mine. It wasn't a pretty kiss, or a Hollywood kiss, it was needy and just a touch desperate and had my heart racing in seconds as he stirred up the embers of my desire which for him would never truly burn out. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tugged gently on his long hair as his hands found my hips and pulled me in close. Breaking apart after an eternity, or perhaps just as long as I could manage to go without oxygen, he lowered his forehead to mine and took in the same great gasps of air as I was.  
"Hope, I'm sorry. I guess I was being an idiot?" I sniggered at the question and received a pinch to my hip. "I just heard that you wanted to get away and my brain skipped ahead and assumed you'd be going alone."  
"James, you're not an idiot. Perhaps just a little bit blind is all." I said, nuzzling closer in to the soft skin at the base of his neck and breathing him in.  
"So shall we start this one again?" He asked, stepping back to take my hand and lead me towards the elevator, I smiled up at him and giving his hand a squeeze I took a step closer to wrap my other arm around his. "Where you thinking of goin on this epic trip Sweetheart?"  
"I was thinking you, me, a classic Ford Mustang and a road trip that will take us down the east coast to New Orleans, and then maybe back across the country to California. What do you think?" I asked him as we stepped inside the elevator.  
"Sounds perfect to me doll, absofuckinglutely perfect." He answered, beaming down at me as he lowered his head to mine for a kiss. I stretched up to meet him and it was so very very sweet. So maybe to the outside world we were monsters, him for the actions committed whilst under HYDRA's control, and me for the gifts that Mother Nature had seen fit to provide. But we had a home, a family, and each other, and now I was able to see that we were damned lucky for all of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all those who've been with me since the beginning, thank you for bearing with my ramblings. And to those of you who have just found this little fic, I hope you enjoy. Comments and kudos are always welcome. Seriously guys, thank you xx


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